After my husband left me, I found it hard to start over at 41. Feeling lonely and ready to find love again, I decided to join a dating site. There, I met a charming man named Juan. Hoping for a fresh start, I decided to surprise him by traveling to Mexico. But it turned out to be a huge mistake.
My name is Lily, and I’m 41 years old. After twenty years of marriage, my husband left me, and I was lost. Since I had married young, I didn’t have much experience with dating or making new friends.
I felt isolated and rarely went out. Finding love at my age seemed almost impossible. So, I took a chance and went on a dating site, hoping to change my life.
In my desperation, I signed up for a dating site and began talking to a charming man from Mexico named Juan. He was so confident and charming that I could hardly believe he was real. Our online conversations soon turned into something more serious.
As our connection grew, Juan started inviting me to visit him in Mexico. I was nervous at first. What if he wasn’t who he appeared to be? What if this was just another path to disappointment?
But the loneliness of my daily routine made me want to take a chance. I decided to surprise Juan by arriving in Mexico without telling him.
I packed for a few weeks, bought my plane tickets, and set off on my journey. I was extremely nervous, unsure if he would be the same person in real life as he was online. But I needed to try; it felt like my last shot at finding happiness.
As I boarded the plane, my heart raced with excitement and anxiety. The flight seemed endless as I kept thinking about Juan. Would he be as charming in person? Would he be happy to see me? I tried to calm myself, reminding myself that this was a chance for a fresh start.
Reaching Juan was harder than I expected because he lived in a small town far from the airport. The trip was long and exhausting. After landing, I had to find a taxi to get me to his town.
The taxi driver kept shouting, “Where!? Where!?” because he didn’t understand me. My frustration grew, so I quickly pulled out my phone and showed him the address.
“See? Right here, I need you to take me to this town. How much?” I asked the driver.
“Good, good, let’s go!” he replied, finally understanding.
Traveling had always been a challenge for me, and I often struggled to communicate and had bad luck. But this time, I felt hopeful and determined. The drive was long and seemed endless, taking me through narrow, unfamiliar roads. I watched as the city’s hustle and bustle gave way to the quieter, rural landscapes.
The further we drove, the more anxious I became. I couldn’t shake the worry that I might be making a huge mistake. But I pushed those thoughts aside, reminding myself that I was here to take a chance on happiness.
Finally, the taxi pulled up to a small apartment building. I paid the driver and stepped out, feeling a mix of excitement and nerves. As I walked toward the building, I saw Juan just entering his apartment.
“Juan! Surprise!” I called out as I rushed toward him, eager to see his reaction.
At first, he looked startled, and I felt a pang of worry that maybe he wasn’t pleased to see me. But then, his face lit up with a smile, and my heart eased with relief.
“Oh, it’s you! I wasn’t expecting you! Why didn’t you text me about your visit?” Juan asked, looking surprised.
“I’m sorry, I thought you would be happy to see me, Juan. You look even better in person!” I replied, trying to keep things positive.
“Yeah! You too… Lucy…” he said, pausing for a moment.
“It’s Lily,” I corrected him, feeling a twinge of disappointment. He couldn’t even remember my name—maybe that should have been my first clue.
“Lily! Yes, that’s right. I’m sorry, sometimes American names can be confusing to me,” Juan said, trying to smooth over his mistake.
I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. After all, he was still handsome, and his accent was charming.
He invited me into his apartment, and we settled in to talk. The conversation was easy and enjoyable. We laughed and shared stories, feeling as if we’d known each other for years.
As the evening went on, we opened a bottle of wine. With each sip, my nerves began to melt away. Juan was charming and attentive, and I found myself enjoying his company more than I had expected.
Juan nodded in understanding. “Of course, Lily. I’m glad you’re here. You can use the guest room.”
He showed me to the guest room, which was cozy and inviting. I thanked him and settled in, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness about what the next day would bring. As I drifted off to sleep, I hoped that this leap of faith would lead to something wonderful.
I looked around, trying to piece together what had happened. The realization hit me hard: I had been robbed. My heart raced as panic set in. How did I end up outside? I struggled to remember the details of the previous night, but it was all a blur.
I stumbled to my feet, trying to gather my thoughts. I had no idea where Juan was or how to reach him. I needed to find help, but my only option was to walk to the nearest public place.
As I wandered, I saw a small café and went inside, hoping to use their phone to contact the police or anyone who could assist me. My clothes were disheveled, and I must have looked a mess. The barista noticed my distress and offered me a seat.
“Are you okay, miss?” she asked gently.
“I… I’ve been robbed,” I managed to say, feeling tears well up. “I need to call someone.”
She handed me the phone, and I dialed the local police, giving them my location and explaining what had happened. They assured me they would send someone to help.
Sitting there, waiting for assistance, I felt a mix of shame, fear, and disappointment. I had come all this way, hoping for a fresh start, only to end up in such a dire situation.
Desperation took over as I watched people move past, their lives seemingly unaffected by my plight. I felt isolated and overwhelmed, with no way to break through the barrier of language and cultural differences.
Finally, a kind-hearted woman noticed my distress. She approached me with a concerned look and spoke to me in broken English.
“Are you okay?” she asked gently.
I nodded, trying to keep my composure. “I’ve been robbed. I don’t know what to do.”
She quickly grasped the severity of the situation and took out her phone, calling the police for me. While we waited, she offered me a warm drink from the café, which helped soothe my nerves.
The police arrived soon after, and I tried my best to explain what had happened. They were patient and sympathetic, taking down the details and promising to help me.
As they worked on getting me the assistance I needed, I felt a flicker of relief. Though the situation was dire, the kindness of a stranger made me realize that there was still hope, even in the darkest moments.
The man nodded sympathetically and offered me a comforting smile. “I can help. My name is Carlos. I work at the restaurant nearby. Let’s get you inside where it’s safe and call the police.”
He led me to the restaurant, which was a small, cozy place with a warm atmosphere. Inside, he made me comfortable at a table and brought me a cup of coffee. It wasn’t much, but it was a small gesture of kindness that meant a lot.
Carlos used the restaurant’s phone to contact the police and explained the situation. He also offered to help me reach the embassy or consulate for additional support. As he spoke on the phone, he reassured me that everything would be okay.
While waiting for the police, Carlos and I chatted a bit. He was kind and understanding, and his presence helped ease some of my anxiety. When the authorities arrived, they took my statement and began investigating, with Carlos translating where necessary.
Thanks to Carlos’s help, I finally felt like I wasn’t entirely alone in this unfamiliar place. His kindness was a lifeline in my moment of crisis, showing me that even in difficult situations, there are people willing to extend a helping hand.
When I emerged from the restroom, Miguel had set up a small table with a warm meal. He gestured for me to sit, and I did, feeling a mix of relief and gratitude. The food was simple but delicious – a comforting bowl of soup and some fresh bread.
As I ate, Miguel sat across from me, keeping a watchful eye. He spoke to me softly, his English broken but sincere. “You okay now?” he asked.
I nodded, taking another bite. “Yes, thank you. I feel a lot better. I can’t believe how kind you’ve been.”
Miguel smiled, though his eyes still showed concern. “You need help. I help. Don’t worry. We find your things.”
After I finished eating, Miguel made a call to the local authorities and to my embassy, explaining my situation and asking for assistance. He kept me informed and reassured me that things would get better.
With Miguel’s support, I started to feel a sense of stability. Although I was still shaken, his help made me feel like there was a way out of this nightmare. For the first time since waking up on the street, I felt a glimmer of hope that everything would be okay.
As I ate, I noticed that Miguel’s kindness was more than just about providing food. His genuine concern made me feel a little safer. The warm meal and hot coffee were comforting, and each bite seemed to help me regain a bit of my strength.
After finishing, Miguel handed me his phone, allowing me to call the local authorities and my embassy. I was still shaken but felt more hopeful with each passing minute.
Miguel sat nearby, ready to help in any way he could. With his support, I managed to contact the necessary services and start working on getting my belongings back and making arrangements to return home.
His simple act of kindness turned a terrifying situation into one where I felt I could start to recover and rebuild.
As I finished eating, I reflected on everything that had led me to this point. Juan, who had seemed so charming and perfect online, turned out to be a far cry from what I had hoped for. It was a hard pill to swallow, realizing he wasn’t who he seemed to be.
Despite the pain, Miguel’s unexpected kindness was a bright spot in an otherwise dark situation. His help reminded me that even when things go wrong, there are still good people out there who can make a difference. It gave me hope that maybe, someday, I would find what I was looking for and that not everyone would let me down.
When I looked out into the hall, I was shocked to see Juan in the distance. He was with another woman, laughing and chatting as if nothing had ever happened between us.
My heart pounded with a mix of anger and betrayal. How could he just move on so easily after what he had done to me? The sight of him enjoying himself with someone new was a painful reminder of how deeply he had hurt me.
Miguel studied the drawing and then glanced back at Juan, who was still with the new woman. Understanding began to dawn on him. He nodded and then motioned for me to wait.
“I’ll help,” Miguel said, his voice calm but determined. He walked out of the restaurant, approaching Juan with a serious expression.
I watched from the doorway, my heart racing. I saw Miguel talk to Juan, and Juan’s face changed from laughter to shock. Miguel pointed in my direction, and Juan’s gaze met mine. The confrontation was intense, but I could see that Juan was visibly uncomfortable.
Miguel returned to me and said, “Juan says he didn’t take anything. But we need to call police. I help you.”
With Miguel’s help, I managed to use his phone to call the police. As I waited, I felt a mix of relief and anxiety. I hoped that justice would be served and that I could finally find some resolution to this distressing situation.
Miguel’s eyes widened as I approached, the phone clutched tightly in my hand. He looked at me with a mix of surprise and concern.
“Thank you,” I said, my voice trembling. I handed the phone to him, feeling a wave of relief wash over me. “Can you call the police now?”
Miguel nodded, quickly taking out his phone and dialing the number. He spoke in Spanish, explaining the situation as best as he could. I waited anxiously, glancing over my shoulder to make sure Juan didn’t notice what had happened.
Once Miguel finished the call, he looked at me reassuringly. “Police come soon,” he said. “We… stay here, okay?”
I nodded, grateful for his help. “Thank you so much, Miguel. I don’t know what I would have done without you.”
Miguel gave me a comforting smile and patted my shoulder. “No problem. We help.”
As we waited for the police, I couldn’t help but feel a mix of emotions—relief, anger, and gratitude. Despite the chaos, I was thankful for Miguel’s kindness and support.
Miguel’s kindness truly made a difference in Lily’s challenging situation, showing that even in tough times, there are people who genuinely care and help. His support provided Lily with the strength and hope she needed to face her difficulties. If you’ve been moved by this story, share it with your friends—it might inspire them and bring a smile to their day.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
Leave a Reply