Dear Wife,
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good. I’ve been a good man to you in our 7 years of marriage & I have nothing to show for it.
These last 2 weeks have been tough for me. Your boss notified me that you quit your job today & that was just too much to bear any longer.
Last week, you came home & didn’t even notice I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal & even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in 2 minutes, & went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don’t tell me you love me anymore; you don’t want sex or anything that connects us as husband & wife.
Either you’re cheating on me or you don’t love me anymore; whatever the case, It’s over and I am leaving.
Your EX-Husband
P.S. don’t try to find me. Your SISTER & I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband,
Believe me, nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s definitely true that you & I have been married for the past 7 years, although a good man is a far cry from what you’ve been.
I watch my TV shows so much because they drown out your constant whining & griping, although that doesn’t seem to work.
I definitely noticed your haircut last week, but the 1st thing that came to mind was ‘You look just like a girl!’ And since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can’t say something nice, I decided not to comment.
And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork 7 long years ago.
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99 price tag was still on them, & I prayed it was a coincidence that my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that morning.
After all of this, I still loved you & felt we could make this work. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million dollars, I quit my job & bought us 2 tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won’t get a dime from me. So take care.
Signed, Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell & Free!
P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that’s not a problem!
Please share this story with your friends and family if you think it was funny.
10+ People Who Need a Time Machine to Restart Their Terrible Day
Scientist Stephen Hawking once held a curious experiment. He organized a party with appetizers, balloons, you name it. However, he only sent the invites after the party had already taken place. He wanted to demonstrate that time travel is impossible, and he did.
NASA begs to differ and confirms that time travel is possible, just not in the way we’ve seen in books and movies. This is good news for the following people because they’d love to start their terrible day over.
“My foot after wearing a wet boot with a hole in it for 10 hours”
“A buddy of mine seemed to think stick sun screen was a good idea.”
“Got my license in the mail today.”
“I was sitting on the lid of my toilet waiting for my bath to fill, scrolling on my phone when the lid shattered and I threw my phone in the bath.”
“My BBQ food truck burned down last month.”
“Lent a car to my brother for the day, and as a thank you, he filled up my car with the wrong fuel.”
“I turned on my defrost this morning and came back 10 minutes later to find this.”
“I did an air mold test in my apartment.”
“Went to use the bathroom at a friend’s house — nearly had a heart attack.”
“My job makes us food before each shift. Meet the zucchini hot dog.”
“I dropped my phone and now all my photos are blue-ish.”
“I asked my wife to tidy up my neck with the clippers. Yes, we are still married.”
“What they call a ’cheese’ burger”
“Got stung in the eye at 2 a.m. while asleep by probably one of the last wasps of the season.”
“I dropped the tuna can in the sink.”
“Must have dropped my keys after I locked my car. I came back to this.”
“In a boot with a broken foot on day 7 of 24 of my dream tour of the UK”
“Oops, there’s a pothole there.”
“I guess no pizza for me tonight.”
“I forgot to put sunscreen on my feet.”
If you could live an hour of your life on repeat, which hour would you choose? If you could travel back in time and get stuck in that era, which year would you go for? Let us know in the comments.
Leave a Reply