According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
I Was the Only One Who Went to My Grandma’s Birthday Brunch — After Seeing Her Tears, I Taught My Family a Lesson
My dear Gran-Gran invited our family to celebrate her birthday, and that’s when it all began. I had no idea that my family would let her down in such a painful way. I was resolved to impart a lesson on them that they would never be able to forget.
Gran-Gran is a remarkable woman who raised my siblings and me essentially during our parents’ divorce. She is everything to me, thus I found it incomprehensible that the other members of my family could let her down.
Rather than having us arrange something exceptional for her 83rd birthday, Gran-Gran decided to host a brunch at her home. She got up early to bake her own bread and pastries in spite of her health problems. Even though her hands were shaking, she wrote and assembled the invitations herself.
I was inspired to attend by Gran-Gran’s special day by the time and work she put into it. Regretfully, work obligations caused me to arrive ten minutes late. I was astonished to find my grandmother clearing dishes off the table and putting coffee down the sink when I first went in.
I questioned Gran-Gran why there was nobody else at the celebration, feeling both confused and worried. She told me, fighting back tears, that nobody had bothered to come. Her attempts to conceal her disappointment and act as though everything was fine crushed my heart.
I was unable to overlook this. I vowed to myself that I would make up to Gran-Gran and leave my family with a lasting lesson. I excused myself and went outside to make some phone calls after spending some quality time with her.
Initially, I informed my mother over the phone that my grandmother had fallen and was currently in the hospital. I put her under pressure by telling her that if she had gone to the brunch, the accident might have been prevented. My mother consented to send funds to pay the fictitious hospital expenses.
Next, I called my brother and asked him why he hadn’t been there. I informed him that Gran-Gran was hospitalized and that his presence might have had an impact. He said he would pay some money toward the imaginary bills.
I called additional relatives in a similar way, making them feel bad and persuading them to contribute money for the purported hospital bills. I surprised Gran-Gran with a trip to a stunning location she had always wanted to see with the money we raised.
We made wonderful memories together and lavishly celebrated her birthday during our time together. Gran-Gran was beaming with happiness when we got home. My family never missed another event after that day. Every birthday, holiday, and Sunday meal they attended.
I had no remorse about what I did, even though they still gave me the cold shoulder over it. Gran-Gran’s joyful expression made it all worthwhile. How would you have responded if you had been in my position? Tell me what you think.
Though it has been romanticized for artistic purposes, this work draws inspiration from actual individuals and events. For reasons of privacy protection and story improvement, names, characters, and details have been changed. Any likeness to real people, alive or dead, or real events is entirely accidental and not the author’s intention.
The publisher and author disclaim all liability for any misinterpretation and make no claims on the veracity of the events or character portrayals. The thoughts represented in this story are those of the characters and do not necessarily represent the viewpoints of the author or publisher. The story is offered “as is.”
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