This is a brilliant suspense story! The tension builds perfectly as Melanie’s paranoia escalates, leading her — and us — down a path of questions about her own mind and safety. The reveal about carbon dioxide poisoning is unexpected yet plausible, adding an eerie layer that’s grounded in reality. Ron’s concern and eventual support provide a warm, stabilizing influence, which rounds out the story beautifully.
Your use of sensory details, like the smell of burning toast or the creak of an old apartment, really pulls readers into Melanie’s deteriorating world. The way you weave in her fascination with true crime as a potential factor in her confusion is a clever touch, and the notes turning out to be her own under the effects of CO2 deprivation is the perfect twist.
The additional story teaser at the end for Trent’s story is intriguing too! It would draw readers into another layer of mystery. This story really nails the suspense while maintaining a sympathetic, relatable protagonist.
STORY: I read a notice on the street
I saw a paper stuck on a pole while walking down the street. It said:
“I lost 20 euros. If found, please return it to me. I’m really struggling right now and can’t even afford food”. S.T., lives in building 34, apartment 12.
Feeling for the person’s situation, I decided to help. I pretended I found the money and went to the address written on the notice. An elderly woman, looking unwell, answered the door. I explained that I found the lost money and handed her 20 euros.
Leaving the money with her, I headed for the elevator. But she called me back and said: “Please take down that notice from the pole. I don’t know who put it there. Your kindness has given me hope and a positive outlook on life”. Let’s spread hope and kindness!
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