When my 5-year-old daughter, Lily, handed me the letter she’d written to Santa, I expected toys and gadgets. But her last wish made my stomach drop. It wasn’t about her. It was about her grandma and my husband. Her innocent words left me questioning my marriage and wondering what was happening behind my back.
There’s something magical about raising a 5-year-old.
My daughter, Lily, is the light of my life. She’s got the kind of curiosity that makes every day an adventure.
A little girl standing outside | Source: Midjourney
Whether it’s her endless questions about why the sky is blue or her fascination with how cookies bake in the oven, Lily’s wonder keeps me on my toes and fills our home with laughter.
I’ve been married to Jeff for six years, and life has been mostly smooth sailing. We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but we’ve managed to build a good life together.
A couple sitting together | Source: Midjourney
He’s a great Dad to Lily. She loves it when he plays tea party with her or reads bedtime stories. Watching the two of them together makes me feel like I won the marriage lottery.
As Christmas approached, Lily was bubbling with excitement to write her annual letter to Santa. It’s a tradition we’ve had since her very first Christmas when she was too young to hold a crayon.
This year, she insisted on doing most of it herself.
A little girl holding a pen | Source: Midjourney
“I’m a big girl now, Mommy!” she declared, holding up a red marker with an exaggerated look of determination.
I decided to make it extra special by sitting with her to brainstorm her wishes. I figured there’d be a few predictable requests. Something pink, something glittery, maybe a toy she saw on TV. And for the most part, that’s exactly how it went.
“I want a kitchen set,” she began. “A camera like James has, a smartwatch like Pam’s, and… oh, I want Grandma to play with me, not with Dad.”
An older woman | Source: Midjourney
What did she just say? I thought.
“Grandma?” I asked, looking at her with wide eyes. “My mom or Daddy’s mom?”
“Yours,” she replied. “She comes when I’m usually asleep, around three p.m. One time, I woke up and heard something. I saw Grandma’s bag and heard her voice in your bedroom. When I went in, Daddy was putting on his shirt. When I asked Grandma to play, they said they’d already played, so Grandma was leaving.”
An angry woman | Source: Midjourney
I couldn’t believe her words. I thought she was making this up.
I laughed nervously. “Honey, I think you dreamed that. Grandma doesn’t—”
“No, I saw her,” Lily interrupted firmly. “And she really was there.”
I shrugged it off, trying not to read into it. But a seed of doubt had already been planted.
Over the next few days, Lily’s innocent words kept replaying in my mind, no matter how much I told myself it was probably just a misunderstanding.
A woman standing outdoors | Source: Midjourney
My mom and… my husband? No, it couldn’t be. Jeff adored me, and my mom was, well, my mom. But still, there were little things I couldn’t ignore.
For one, Mom had been dropping by more often in the afternoons, but only when I wasn’t home.
I called her to ask about it.
“Why don’t you come when I’m around, Mom?” I asked casually. “It’s been weeks since I last saw you.”
A woman using her phone | Source: Pexels
“I just stopped by while going home from work,” she told me. “We’ll meet soon, honey.”
“Work? Oh. How’s it going?” I asked.
“It’s… okay,” she replied. “I’ve been thinking about switching my career now. I told you about it before as well. I—”
“Mom, please!” I cut her off. “You’re a lawyer and that’s perfect!”
That’s all I got whenever I called her. She never visited when I was home.
A woman talking on the phone | Source: Midjourney
And then there was Jeff.
Lately, he’d been complaining about back pain, wincing every time he stood up or bent down. When I asked about it, he brushed me off with a quick, “It’s nothing serious.”
But now, that casual dismissal felt like another puzzle piece I couldn’t fit.
The first real red flag came a few days later when I was cleaning out a drawer in our bedroom. I found a small, nearly empty bottle of lavender massage oil tucked behind some old socks.
It wasn’t mine, and I didn’t remember seeing it before.
A person holding an oil bottle | Source: Pexels
“What’s this?” I asked Jeff, holding up the bottle.
“Oh, that’s your mom’s,” he replied with a shrug. “She’s been, uh, using it for her back.”
“For her back?” I repeated.
“Yeah, she left it here by accident,” he said nonchalantly, walking away before I could ask anything else.
Something about his tone didn’t sit right with me. And then Lily’s comments replayed in my mind.
A man sitting in his house | Source: Midjourney
Is Jeff hiding something from me? I thought. Did Lily really see Mom and Jeff in our bedroom?
These thoughts were making me go crazy, and what made things worse was Mom’s behavior lately.
So, the thing is, my mom’s always been polished and professional. She’s this proud lawyer who’d wear heels even to casual family dinners.
But recently, she’d traded her usual tailored suits for yoga pants and oversized tees.
A woman in an oversized shirt | Source: Pexels
“What’s up with the new outfits, Mom?” I asked her one day.
“Oh, nothing,” she smiled. Just trying to relax more.”
Her answer made sense, but not if I analyzed it with Lily’s words ringing in my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder why her sudden transformation coincided with her secret visits to my place.
Then there were her hushed conversations with Jeff.
A woman in a bedroom | Source: Midjourney
One night, I walked past the living room and saw them sitting close, their heads bent together. Mom was whispering, “We’ll have to keep this between us. She wouldn’t understand.”
Jeff nodded but they both went silent the moment they saw me.
“Everything okay?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
“Fine!” Mom chirped, standing quickly and brushing her hands on her pants. “Just discussing, uh, holiday plans.”
It didn’t feel fine. And Jeff’s behavior didn’t help. He’d started acting overly attentive, bringing me coffee in bed, folding laundry without being asked, and even volunteering to pick up groceries.
A trolley in a grocery store | Source: Pexels
I should’ve been happy, but it felt off. It felt like he was trying too hard.
At that point, I was sure something was happening behind my back, but I wasn’t certain if confronting Mom and Jeff directly would help.
I knew I had to do something myself.
The final straw came on a random Tuesday. I was packing Lily’s lunch when she casually asked if her grandma would visit.
A close-up shot of a lunch box | Source: Pexels
“She always comes on Tuesdays,” she said.
“Really?” I asked. “Maybe she might come this time as well.”
And that was the point when I decided it was time to find out the truth.
That day, I left work early, determined to catch whatever was happening.
As I pulled into the driveway, I felt a knot of anxiety tighten in my chest. I quietly opened the door and stepped inside.
A woman in her car | Source: Midjourney
The house was silent, but faint murmurs drifted from upstairs. I quietly crept up the stairs, and my heart pounded louder with each step.
I stopped by the bedroom door. My breath caught as I heard Jeff sigh.
“That’s perfect,” he murmured.
I couldn’t wait any longer, so I flung the door open and froze.
What I saw wasn’t what I had imagined.
A doorknob | Source: Pexels
My mother was there, yes.
She was perched on the edge of the bed, her hands pressing firmly into Jeff’s back. His shirt was off, but it wasn’t the romantic, scandalous scene I’d feared.
It looked like a… MASSAGE.
Both of them turned to me with startled expressions, as if I were the intruder.
“What are you doing here, Mom?” I demanded.
Mom blushed, fumbling with the small bottle of lavender massage oil beside her.
“Brisa, I — this isn’t what it looks like,” she stammered.
An older woman | Source: Midjourney
“Oh, so it’s not you sneaking into my house every afternoon to play with my husband?” I shot back.
“Brisa, calm down,” Jeff said. “It’s nothing like that.”
Mom sighed, setting the oil down.
“Okay, I can explain,” she cleared her throat. “I’d been thinking about a career change, Brisa. I told you as well, remember?”
I nodded.
“I want to be a massage therapist, honey. And Jeff, well, he’s been having terrible back pain, so he agreed to let me practice on him.”
A woman talking to her daughter | Source: Midjourney
“What?” I blurted out. “But why didn’t you guys tell me?”
“I thought you wouldn’t understand,” she said. “You see, no one took me seriously when I said I wanted to change my career. You weren’t ready to accept that I didn’t want to be a lawyer anymore, and your dad also thought becoming a massage therapist was absurd. But Jeff… he was the only one who supported me.”
I couldn’t believe this was what Mom and Jeff were hiding from me. Had I really jumped to such wild conclusions?
I stared at them, feeling like the world’s biggest fool.
A woman looking at her mother | Source: Midjourney
“So… this is all about back pain and a new career?” I asked weakly.
“Yes,” Mom said, her voice soft now. “I didn’t mean to hide it, Brisa. But after how dismissive everyone was, I didn’t see the point in telling anyone except Jeff. He’s been so supportive, and I didn’t want to burden you with it.”
“And honestly, I didn’t think it was a big deal,” Jeff said. “I didn’t want to add to your stress with Christmas coming up.”
A man talking to his wife | Source: Midjourney
I let out a shaky laugh. “Well, you both could’ve saved me a lot of sleepless nights by just saying something.”
Mom leaned forward, squeezing my hand. “I’m sorry, honey. I never meant to make you feel like something was wrong.”
In that moment, I realized how quick I’d been to jump to conclusions. My mother wasn’t sneaking around. She was chasing a passion. And my husband wasn’t betraying me. He was just supporting her.
A close-up shot of a man’s face | Source: Midjourney
“I’m also sorry,” I said. “I jumped to such absurd conclusions without investigating anything… And Mom, I’m sorry for not believing in you. Go for it, please. Become a massage therapist. You’ve got my full support.”
And just like that, the tension melted away, leaving us stronger than before.
Christmas that year turned out to be one of the best we’d ever had. Mom proudly announced her plans to enroll in massage therapy school over dinner, and for the first time, we all cheered her on.
A Christmas tree | Source: Pexels
Meanwhile, Lily beamed as she unwrapped her gifts, especially the kitchen set she’d been dreaming of.
And as we sat around the tree, sipping hot cocoa and laughing, I realized how lucky I was to have a family that could weather misunderstandings and come out stronger.
It was a Christmas filled with love, trust, and new beginnings.
If you enjoyed reading this story, here’s another one you might like: Claire thought her whirlwind romance was the start of her happily ever after—until an overheard conversation between her mother and her husband, James. Betrayed by the two people she trusted most, Claire embarks on a journey to uncover their motives and reclaim her life.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
How to Recognize Sneaky Narcissistic Traits in Mothers
Narcissism is a phenomenon in which a person with low self-esteem is afraid of losing authority in the eyes of others, and they begin to manipulate their friends, colleagues, and family to appear better than they really are. These people are so determined. We decided to imagine what it’s like to have your beloved mother like this.
They have a distorted perception of love and achievement, making it nearly impossible for them to make you feel good enough.
Their self-worth hinges on external validation and a facade of perfection. This creates a moving target for your worth in their eyes. You can achieve great things, but their praise might be laced with criticism, or they might simply shift the goalposts to a new, unattainable standard. This leaves you perpetually striving for an unachievable level of approval.
Additionally, their happiness is often transactional. They dole out affection when it suits them, leaving you confused about what truly earns their love. This inconsistency fosters insecurity and self-doubt, making you question your own value no matter what you accomplish. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s inability to offer genuine, unconditional love creates a core belief that you’ll never be good enough, regardless of your efforts.
Narcissistic mothers won’t let their kids’ successes overshadow their own.
Narcissistic mothers crave attention and view their children’s achievements through a distorted lens. While they might brag about their child’s successes superficially, they can’t handle being outshined. This stems from a deep insecurity and a fragile sense of self. Their child’s triumphs become a threat, rather than a source of pride. They may downplay the accomplishment, subtly criticize, or even try to one-up their child with their own past glories, all to maintain a sense of superiority.
She’s only worried about her own problems.
A narcissistic mother’s world often revolves around herself, leaving little room for her child’s emotions or experiences. Their own needs for validation and admiration take priority. They struggle to empathize with their child’s struggles, viewing them as inconveniences or attention-grabbing tactics. This is because the narcissist lacks the emotional maturity to see their child as a separate being with valid feelings. Their child’s problems become burdens to be managed, rather than opportunities for connection and support.
These mothers humiliate their children.
There are a couple of reasons why narcissistic mothers might resort to humiliating their children. One is to maintain control. By publicly criticizing, mocking, or exaggerating their child’s flaws, the mother keeps them feeling insecure and dependent. This fragile self-esteem makes the child less likely to challenge the mother’s authority or seek independence.
Another reason is to bolster the narcissist’s own fragile ego. Putting their child down creates a clear hierarchy where the mother is always superior. This can be especially pronounced if the child shows any potential to outshine the mother, triggering a need to cut them down to size. Ultimately, the humiliation serves the narcissist’s own needs for power and self-importance, leaving the child feeling emotionally bruised and diminished.
She makes kids feel guilty for getting something.
Narcissistic mothers often induce guilt in their children for receiving gifts or achieving success because it reinforces their own sense of control. They might make comments like, «You don’t deserve this, there are others who need it more,» implying the child is selfish for wanting something good. This guilt trip serves a few purposes.
Firstly, it keeps the child feeling indebted and obligated to please the mother. Secondly, it deflects attention away from the mother’s inability to be genuinely happy for her child’s good fortune. Ultimately, by making their child feel guilty, the narcissistic mother manipulates the situation to maintain the focus on themselves and their emotional needs.
She thinks she always deserves the best.
A narcissistic mother’s belief in her own deservingness stems from a distorted sense of self-importance. Deep down, she craves admiration and validation, and views herself as superior to others. This inflated ego convinces her that she deserves the best in life, regardless of her actions or contributions. It’s a constant need to be seen as special and entitled.
This sense of entitlement can manifest in various ways, from expecting lavish gifts and unwavering support to feeling justified in cutting in line or bending the rules. For a narcissistic mother, the «best» isn’t just about material possessions, but also about the constant flow of attention, praise, and control that reinforces her grandiosity.
Her love is unstable. When she needs something, she’s kind. When she doesn’t, she’s rude.
Narcissistic mothers often exhibit a transactional kind of love, where affection is dangled like a carrot. When their needs are unmet, their self-absorption takes center stage. They might become critical, dismissive, or even cold towards their child. Conversely, when they require something — maybe errands run, emotional support, or a public image boost — the kindness faucet turns on.
This emotional inconsistency leaves the child confused and insecure. They never quite know what version of their mother they’ll encounter, creating a constant state of walking on eggshells to avoid the unpredictable shift from loving to cold.
She cares too much about how other people see her.
A narcissistic mother craves external validation and uses how others perceive her as a mirror for her fragile self-esteem. Her self-worth hinges on admiration and a cultivated image of perfection. This makes her hyper-aware of how others view her, particularly in her role as a mother. She might brag excessively about her child’s accomplishments, not necessarily out of pride, but to reflect well on her own parenting skills.
Conversely, any perceived shortcomings in her child become a threat to her image. She might downplay their achievements or even criticize them publicly to maintain a facade of control and superiority in the eyes of others. Ultimately, the well-being and genuine connection with her child become secondary to managing the public perception of a perfect mother and family.
She complains about people that do something against her will.
Narcissistic mothers view any challenge to their control as a personal attack. Their rigid sense of self-importance dictates that things should go their way. When someone, especially their child, dares to act independently or disagree, it triggers a deep sense of entitlement being violated. They may lash out by complaining excessively, playing the victim, or attempting to manipulate the situation back to their desired outcome.
These complaints serve a dual purpose: firstly, to punish the person for disobeying, and secondly, to garner sympathy or support from others, further reinforcing their position of authority. Ultimately, a narcissistic mother’s complaints about those who defy her are less about the specific action and more about maintaining a power dynamic where she remains in control.
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of their daughters’ beauty. And they pretend to be caring.
A narcissistic mother’s insecurity can turn a daughter’s blossoming beauty into a source of hidden jealousy. They may outwardly offer compliments laced with backhanded remarks, like «You look pretty, but maybe try a different shade of lipstick.» This thinly veiled criticism undermines the daughter’s confidence while maintaining a facade of caring.
Deeper down, the mother might feel threatened by her daughter’s youthful beauty, a stark reminder of her own fading youth and potential loss of attention. This jealousy can manifest in various ways, from sabotaging the daughter’s attempts to dress up for an event to subtly comparing her looks to others. The narcissistic mother’s mask of concern hides a desire to control the narrative, ensuring her daughter’s beauty doesn’t overshadow her own.
She criticizes a lot but almost never gives praise.
Narcissistic mothers often fall into a harsh critic pattern for a few reasons. Firstly, their self-worth is fueled by a need for control and a sense of superiority. Constant criticism keeps their child feeling insecure and dependent, less likely to challenge their authority. Secondly, genuine praise can feel threatening to a narcissist. If their child is successful or confident, it might overshadow the mother’s own perceived importance.
Instead of celebrating their child’s achievements, they might downplay them or even resort to nitpicking flaws. Ultimately, the lack of praise becomes a tool for manipulation. By withholding validation, the narcissistic mother keeps her child striving for approval, a dynamic that reinforces her own sense of power and control.
They’re angry if someone else is in the spotlight.
A narcissistic mother thrives on being the center of attention. Their fragile self-esteem craves constant validation and admiration. When someone else, especially their child, receives praise or recognition, it’s perceived as a direct threat. This triggers a surge of anger because it disrupts their carefully curated image of superiority. They might downplay the other person’s accomplishment, subtly criticize them, or even try to steal the spotlight back to themselves with tales of their own past glories.
This anger isn’t about protecting their child, but about protecting their own inflated sense of self-importance. They can’t bear to share the spotlight, and their reaction reflects a deep-seated insecurity that can leave their child feeling confused and emotionally neglected.
Narcissistic mothers might constantly remind you of the things they’ve done for you.
One is to create a sense of obligation and guilt. By replaying a litany of sacrifices and favors, they make you feel indebted, making it harder to disagree with them or assert your independence. It’s a way to control you through emotional manipulation. Another reason is to inflate their own sense of importance.
Recounting their «good deeds» reinforces their narrative as the selfless caregiver deserving of constant praise and gratitude. Ultimately, these constant reminders are about them, not you. It’s a tactic to maintain power within the relationship and ensure you remain focused on their needs rather than developing your own sense of self.
These narcissistic traits can take a toll. But there’s good news! Our next piece dives into how these experiences shape you, and what you heal from it.
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