I Overheard My MIL Lying to Her Friends about Me Doing No Chores at Home & Decided to Outplay Her
When Allison invited her mother-in-law’s friends over for an early brunch, little did they know they were about to uncover the truth behind months of false tales and witness a family dynamic transform right before their eyes.
Six weeks ago, my life changed forever—I became a mom to a beautiful baby boy. It’s been the most incredible yet toughest journey. My husband, Sammy, had to leave for a work project right after our son was born.
Allison and her son | Source: Midjourney
So, we planned for his mom to move in with us to help during the first few months. She promised to handle everything so I could recover from the delivery and focus on our newborn.
Life at home is not how I imagined, though. From the moment she arrived, my mother-in-law (MIL) seemed more interested in resting than helping. She quickly claimed her spot on the sofa, diving into her favorite TV series.
Mother-in-law watches TV | Source: Midjourney
She also often mentions how her back pain keeps her from doing too much. I appreciate that she might be in discomfort, but it leaves me to manage everything—meals, cleaning, and, most of all, taking care of our son.
Each day feels like a marathon. I’m up with the baby several times at night, and by the time the sun rises, I’m already exhausted but need to start my day. Breakfast needs to be made, then the endless cycle of laundry, cleaning up, and of course, ensuring our little one is fed, changed, and happy.
Exhausted Allison | Source: Midjourney
Babies sure know how to double your laundry load! By mid-morning, I’ve usually forgotten about rest, my hair is a mess, and I’ve probably reheated my morning coffee three times already.
During these mornings and afternoons, my MIL continues her marathon too—of TV episodes. Occasionally, she’ll mention how much she wishes she could help more but is just too sore to move. Yet, as evening approaches, something remarkable happens. Her pain seems to miraculously fade, especially when her friends come over.
Mother-in-law having her tea party | Source: Midjourney
They don’t come every night, but when they do, it’s like a switch flips. Suddenly, she’s lively, chatting, and laughing, playing the perfect hostess in our kitchen, which she rarely uses for anything other than making coffee during the day.
Her transformation during these gatherings is stark. It’s confusing and, honestly, a bit hurtful. I find myself wondering how she can so easily entertain guests but not assist with simple tasks that would give me a moment to breathe or, dare I say, take a nap.
The tea party | Source: Midjourney
This contrast in her behavior has left me feeling both frustrated and skeptical of her claims of pain. I’m left to juggle the joys and trials of new motherhood essentially on my own.
This isn’t what I expected when we agreed that she would come to help. It’s a daily struggle, but I keep reminding myself that this phase won’t last forever. Still, a little genuine help would make a world of difference.
Tired Allison listens in | Source: Midjourney
Last night, something happened that turned my usual frustration into outright anger. I was finishing up some late-night cleaning when I heard laughter and chatter from the kitchen.
My MIL was there, hosting her friends as she often does when she transforms in the evenings. Curious, I paused to listen, not intending to eavesdrop, but what I heard left me stunned and hurt.
My MIL was speaking loudly, and clearly, telling her friends that she’s been the one taking care of everything at home. She claimed she was cooking, cleaning, and mostly caring for my baby. Then, she added something that really got to me.
Mother-in-law complains about Allison | Source: Midjourney
She said, “I don’t know what Sammy saw in her; she’s just lazing around all day, a real couch potato.” Her words were like a slap in the face. There I was, barely keeping my eyes open from exhaustion, and she was painting a picture of me as lazy and uninvolved.
The sense of betrayal was overwhelming. I felt anger boiling inside me. How could she lie so blatantly? How could she discredit all my efforts? It wasn’t just the physical exhaustion of caring for a newborn and a household that hurt. It was the emotional pain of being so unfairly judged in my own home.
Angry Allison | Source: Midjourney
I knew I couldn’t just confront her; that would only lead to more tension. So, I came up with a plan. A way to show her friends the truth without causing a scene. I decided I would invite them over myself, but earlier than they usually come. This way, they could see the real situation. They would see who was really on the couch and who was handling the chores and the baby.
So, today, I sent out a few messages, arranging for her friends to come over for what I called a special brunch. I planned it during a time when I usually have my hands full with baby duties and household chores.
Coincidentally, this was the time when my MIL usually settles in for her morning of TV. It was a simple plan, but I hoped it would reveal the truth. Maybe, just maybe, I could make her realize how her words and actions affect others around her.
Allison calls her mother-in-law’s friends | Source: Midjourney
This morning was a turning point in my home. I had planned a special brunch, inviting my mother-in-law’s friends to arrive much earlier than their usual evening visits. I was nervous but hopeful that today would bring some much-needed change.
As her friends arrived, they found my MIL asleep on the sofa with the TV blaring some morning show. There I was, in the next room, soothing my little boy who wasn’t feeling well. His little cries filled the air, quite the contrast to the usual laughter that echoes from the kitchen during her evening get-togethers.
Little crying boy | Source: Midjourney
The surprise on her friends’ faces was evident as they walked in. They weren’t used to seeing this scene. My MIL woke up, clearly disoriented and embarrassed, scrambling to turn off the TV and smooth out her hair. She tried to laugh it off, mumbling about not expecting anyone so early.
I took this opportunity to ask for her help with some simple tasks. First, I asked her to change the baby’s diaper. I told her the new diapers were in their usual place.
Mother-in-law tries to find the diapers | Source: Midjourney
She hesitated, fumbled through the drawers, and couldn’t find them. I had to step in to show her where they were, something so routine for me, yet unfamiliar to her.
Then, as I started preparing food for everyone, I asked her to fetch the big salad bowl from the cabinet. Again, she looked lost in her own kitchen, opening the wrong cabinets before I guided her to the right one. Her friends watched, slowly piecing together the reality of the situation.
Mother-in-law struggles to find a bowl | Source: Midjourney
The atmosphere shifted noticeably. There were no more chuckles or light banter. Instead, an uncomfortable silence filled the room as her friends saw the truth behind the daily life in our home. My MIL’s face reddened with embarrassment as she realized how her stories had unraveled.
The morning progressed, and her friends began to help with the brunch, seeing firsthand how much I managed on my own. As they left, their parting looks were filled with a mix of sympathy and a new understanding.
MIL’s friends look at Allison | Source: Midjourney
After everyone had gone, there was a quiet moment between my MIL and me. It was awkward at first, but then she began to apologize. She admitted that she had been unfair and promised to start helping more genuinely. I could see she was sincere, maybe embarrassed by her own actions being brought to light.
From that day forward, things began to change. My MIL started taking on more responsibilities around the house and with her grandson. She wasn’t perfect overnight, but the effort was real. We started to find a new rhythm together, cooperating and sharing the duties that come with maintaining a home and caring for a child.
Allison and her mother-in-law cradle her son | Source: Midjourney
This experience taught us both valuable lessons in honesty and respect. It wasn’t just about exposing the lies; it was about rebuilding trust and understanding the real meaning of family support. Now, I can genuinely say our home feels more balanced and peaceful. It’s amazing how much can change when the truth comes to light.
This work is inspired by real events and people, but it has been fictionalized for creative purposes. Names, characters, and details have been changed to protect privacy and enhance the narrative. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental and not intended by the author.
The author and publisher make no claims to the accuracy of events or the portrayal of characters and are not liable for any misinterpretation. This story is provided “as is,” and any opinions expressed are those of the characters and do not reflect the views of the author or publisher.
23 Backhanded “Compliments” That Are Actually Insults
Everyone has been guilty of giving compliments that turn out to be less-than-sincere upon closer inspection. However, backhanded “compliments” are some of the worst, especially since they’re disguised as sweet remarks. It’s important for friends to be honest with each other, of course, but couching hard truths in fake compliments is rarely the way to go. (Unless you’re auditioning for a Real Housewives franchise, of course, in which case you can carry on.) If you’re ever on the receiving end of a backhanded compliment from a friend, the real meaning might not even sink in until hours, or even days, later.
While backhanded compliments typically stem from the speaker’s own insecurities, that doesn’t make them any less hurtful, says Sherese Ezelle, LMHC, LCPC, a licensed behavioral therapist. And when they come from a friend, a backhanded compliment is likely to sting even more — and may even damage your relationship.
Backhanded compliments run the gamut from clueless comments to rude remarks, and can also be a form of microaggression, Ezelle says. If it seems like your pal has crossed a boundary, she recommends disputing their comment in the moment by calmly asking for more info. “More often than not, to challenge them on the spot allows for the individual delivering the ‘compliment’ a chance to defend or further explain their intent,” Ezelle tells Bustle. “You want to be sure to give an opportunity for conversation so that growth can happen and friendships can be preserved.”
Of course, different friendships have different dynamics. Some close friends tease each other mercilessly and, as long as everyone’s on the same page, it tends to be OK. That said, it’s alright to recognize when something feels more hurtful than funny, or more like passive-aggressiveness than silly banter, Ezelle says. If backhanded compliments seem to be a habit rather than an exception, you can always tell your friend to buzz off — or look for a new friend circle.
These 23 backhanded compliment examples can help remind you of what a barely-concealed dig really sounds like. That way, the next time your friend claims to love your outfit or announces that they find your apartment “cozy”, you’ll know exactly how to handle it.
1. “Your Instagram Makes You Seem So Fun!”
Why it’s backhanded: On the one hand, it’s good to know all your careful filtering and captioning haven’t been in vain. But when your friend says your Instagram seems fun, they may be implying that the real you is much less interesting than the image you’re trying to project.
How to respond: “Because I am fun!”
What they could have said instead: “I’m so inspired by the way you curate your feed. It really shows off your creative side.”
2. “You Look So Great In That Photo. I Can’t Even See Your Acne!”
Why it’s backhanded: The nice compliment is immediately weighed down by the acne comment. They’re basically saying you typically have a flaw, but in this photo, you only look great because that flaw is removed. “It would be particularly hurtful if you also had an insecurity about your complexion,” says Sarah Dumoff, LCSW, a psychotherapist and founder of private practice here/now.
How to respond: “Thanks. I love this picture too, though I feel good in photos even when my skin isn’t ‘perfect.’”
What they could have said instead: “Omg, you look amazing!”
3. “I Didn’t Expect You To Get The Job. Congratulations!”
Why it’s backhanded: When a friend makes a point of mentioning their low expectations, it takes away from their congratulations.
How to respond: “I worked really hard for this. Go me!”
What they could have said instead: “I was rooting for you and am so relieved it went well!”
4. “You’re So Independent. It’s No Wonder You Haven’t Found Someone Yet.”
Why it’s backhanded: Among all the things ambitious people are tired of hearing, this is probably the most common. In theory, such a remark compliments your sense of autonomy; in practice, it implies that your independence is driving potential significant others away. As an added bonus, it perpetuates the idea that you have to compromise your sense of independence in order to be attractive. Yikes.
How to respond: “Yup! And I’ll know someone’s right for me when they respect that.”
What they could have said instead: “If you ever want to get back into the dating pool, I know someone’s going to fall immediately for your drive.”
5. “I Love How You Don’t Care How You Come Across.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may profess to love your devil-may-care attitude, but what they’re really saying is that they think you’re too “out there.” Either that, or they’re making a salty comment because they’re envious of your laid-back attitude.
How to respond: “Yes! It’s taken a lot of work to get my confidence to this level. I try not to focus on what others think anymore.”
What they could have said instead: “You always seem so confident and relaxed. Tell me all your secrets.”
6. “I Wish I Was As Chill As You About All This Clutter.”
Why it’s backhanded: The real translation may be, “Your place isn’t cleaned to my exact standards and I need you to know that.” Regardless of their intention, it’s rude to make comments when you’ve been invited into someone’s private space.
How to respond: “Really? What would you do differently?” Sometimes asking someone to explain their comment is a way to get them to pause, reflect, and realize they’re being mean.
What they could have said instead: “Thanks for having me over!”
7. “That New Haircut Looks So Much Better Than Your Old One.”
Why it’s backhanded: They’re right — your new ‘do does look fabulous. But no need to be rude about what you looked like literally an hour ago. It may also make you wonder how long they’ve secretly disliked your hair.
How to respond: “I’m all about changing up my look. I’ve loved all my hairstyles and this one’s great, too.”
What they could have said instead: “Wait, this so, so good.”
8. “I Love How You’ll Just Wear Anything.”
Why it’s backhanded: If you’re getting ready together, chances are this comment is constructive and your friend is trying to prevent you from leaving the house in a not-so-great look. If they make this comment once you’re already out, however, that’s when it’s officially rude — and it might even plant a seed of self-doubt that ruins your whole night.
How to respond: “Is that a hint? What’s wrong with my outfit?” You can be honest with each other, laugh it off, and ask if they’d like to offer some advice.
What they could have said instead: “Hold up, hold up. Do you still have those wide-leg pants? Those would be perfect for tonight.”
9. “I Would Never Be Able To Pull Off That Outfit!”
Why it’s backhanded: While it sounds like they’re admiring your style, your friend is likely saying they wouldn’t be caught dead in anything similar.
How to respond: “Thanks, yea. I’ve been feelin’ myself lately. I’m all about the cargo pants trend. Can you believe they’re back?” This is a way to brush off their comment and show your friend that your “weird” look is deliberate — and fashionable.
What they could have said: “Ugh, I can’t keep up with trends. Can you share your Pinterest with me?”
10. “You’re So Charming When You Make An Effort.”
Why it’s backhanded: Great! You’re being charming and suave right now. Mission accomplished. But what about when you’re lounging in your soft pants? Your friend is kind of saying that you’re not usually this charismatic.
How to respond: “I don’t always feel the need to be ‘on’ around my close friends, but sure, I can pull out the charm when need be.” You can also mention that their comment was hurtful. Remember, when in doubt, call it out.
What they could have said: “Bestie, you’re a shining star of wit and charm.”
11. “You Look So Professional With Your Hair Straight.”
Why it’s backhanded: Talk about microaggressive “complimenting” styles. On one end of the spectrum, they’re announcing that they believe you usually look bad or unkempt. On the other, they’re saying curly or natural hair is somehow unprofessional. And that’s not OK.
How to respond: “Well, I’m glad to know that you think my natural hair makes me look so unprofessional.”
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or, “Did you do something different with your hair?”
12. “I Wish I Didn’t Have Any Responsibilities Like You.”
Why it’s backhanded: People might be inclined to say this to their friends who live with their parents or to those who don’t have kids. Living rent-free or child-free can be less stressful than many alternatives, but that doesn’t mean anyone’s life is totally carefree or without responsibility. Saying otherwise is passive-aggressive at worst and presumptuous at best.
How to respond: “Oh wow, do I make it look that way? I have a million plates spinning at once. How are things going on your end?” This will get to the real root of the issue, which is that they’re overwhelmed.
What they could have said instead: “Do you have any spare time to listen to me vent? I’ve been so stressed lately.”
13. “Your Place Is So Cozy.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling someone’s apartment “cozy” is often code for “super tiny” or even “so tiny I don’t understand how you live here.” It’s also condescending since not everyone can afford a sprawling abode — or wants to live in one. It just isn’t what you want to hear when you’ve invited folks over for a housewarming.
How to respond: “Thank you! I put a lot of work into the decor. Wait, did you see my record player over here?”
What they could have said instead: “Thanks so much for having me over! I always love how you decorate. Oh! I brought a quiche.”
14. “You’re Coping With This So Much Better Than I Thought You Would.”
Why it’s backhanded: You’re literally on your couch in a onesie surrounded by tissues and rubbing at your puffy eyes — and this is better than what your friend thought? How did they expect you to deal with a breakup? You might not want to know.
How to respond: If you can muster some cheekiness, say, “Thanks for the vote of confidence, pal.” If you’re too upset say, “I just need someone to listen to me, if that’s OK.” Also, side note: If a certain friend isn’t supporting you the right way during a tough time, try reaching out to someone else. Another friend, family member, or therapist may be a better bet.
What they could have said instead: “What you’re going through is one of the toughest things ever. You’re handling it so well, but it’s also OK if you need to take more time for yourself.”
15. “You Look So Much More Awake With Makeup.”
Why it’s backhanded: Your friend may be trying to give you a compliment, but this one sends the message that you usually look bad or tired whenever you deign to go outside without blush or mascara. It might be their way of judging — or they simply might not realize why it’s a rude thing to say.
How to respond: “Wait, what do I normally look like?”
What they could have said instead: “I need that blush. Where’d you get it?”
16. “You Look Refreshed Today. I Almost Didn’t Recognize You!”
Why it’s backhanded: According to psychologist Dr. Roberta T. Ballard, Ph.D., this is a common backhanded compliment. It’s something you might hear from an office friend who means well, but doesn’t realize they’re implying you usually look messy or tired. Not to mention, it’s never smart to comment on someone’s appearance, especially if you don’t know what’s going on with their health or personal life.
How to respond: “Thanks. Guess it was that extra cup of coffee I had today.” And leave it at that.
What they could have said instead: “That color blue looks amazing on you.”
17. “You’re So Chill In Your Relationship.”
Why it’s backhanded: “It may be innocent admiration of your patience in your relationship, or it may feel like something else is being implied,” says Lauren Spinella, LPC, a licensed mental health therapist and owner of Peaceful Path Counseling. Are they really impressed by your patience during a tough time in your relationship, or are they implying you’re a doormat?
How to respond: “Do you feel like I’m too chill?” According to Spinella, it’s totally fair to ask for some genuine clarification in a non-accusatory way. That’ll open the door to a deeper convo.
What they could have said instead: “I really admire how patient you are. I’m also a little concerned that you’re dealing with so much and want to make sure you’re OK.”
18. “You Look Great For Your Age!”
Why it’s backhanded: While this one’s often said with the best of intentions, it’s steeped in ageism and the idea that you can only look good if you look young. “Sometimes the person giving the backhanded compliment might not have the intention of saying something hurtful, however, the impact is still there,” says therapist Emily Sharp, MA, LCAT, ATR-BC, RYT-200.
How to respond: “I’m sure you didn’t intend to, but when you make comments about my appearance it makes me uncomfortable.” Sharp says this will get the message across in a diplomatic way.
What they could have said instead: “You look great!”
19. “You’re So Articulate.”
Why it’s backhanded: Calling you articulate is a way to express shock that you said something intelligent. It has the same vibe as, “Wow, I didn’t expect you to be good at this.” The “you’re so articulate” comment also comes with a long history of racism, especially when aimed at Black people, Ballard says.
How to respond: “What did I say that surprised you?” Again, asking someone to explain their comment is a subtle way of calling them out.
What they could have said instead: Nothing. Or something like, “It’s always such a pleasure to talk to you. I’m glad we ran into each other.”
20. “You’re So Pretty. I Don’t Get Why You’re Still Single.”
Why it’s backhanded: This backhanded compliment can send your brain swirling through a list of possible meanings. Are they saying something else is wrong with you? Or that you’re incomplete until you meet a partner? Whatever it is, it won’t feel good.
How to respond: “How are the two related?”Depending on the type of relationship you have with your friend, you can straight up call them out or ignore them, Sharp says. “You can also respond to a portion of the backhanded compliment that feels genuine, in order to maintain positivity,” she tells Bustle. “Everyone handles these situations differently, but the important part is validating your feelings for yourself.”
What they could have said instead: “We haven’t chatted about our dating lives in forever! Are you talking to anyone or nah?”
21. “I Love Your Nails. It Must Be Nice To Have So Much Extra Time In Your Day To Pamper Yourself.”
Why it’s backhanded: “This may be an innocent comment,” Spinella tells Bustle. “But it’s also understandable for someone to be put off by hearing it. You might think, are they implying that I don’t have a lot going on or that I am prioritizing the wrong things?”
How to respond: “What do you mean?” While it’s often possible to glean the intent of a backhanded compliment, Spinella says it’s best to ask for clarification, especially if the words hurt.
What they could have said instead: “I love how you did your nails! It can be so hard to prioritize self-care with a busy schedule. Maybe you can help me do the same?”
22. “You Look So Comfortable!”
Why it’s backhanded: This isn’t a real compliment, says wellness coach Dr. Cali Estes. Instead of saying what they really think, it’s a roundabout way for your friend to indicate that they don’t like your outfit or that they think it’s inappropriate for a situation.
How to respond: “Thanks! I’m so grateful to be comfortable so I can fully enjoy myself at this wedding.”
What they could have said instead: “I love your outfit. I really wish I would have chosen something more comfortable, too.”
23. “You’re Incredible For Working That Hard! I Could Never Leave My Cat Alone All Day.”
Why it’s backhanded: While it feels like they’re complimenting your work ethic, what they’re actually doing is commenting on your choices as a caretaker. This one’s also commonly aimed at new moms, according to Dr. Anisha Patel-Dunn, DO, a psychiatrist and chief medical officer of LifeStance Health.
How to respond: “What do you mean by that?” Patel-Dunn recommends asking for more info. For instance, “Ouch, I feel a bit hurt by that comment. Can you clarify what you mean because this is what I heard…”
What they could have said instead: “You’re the queen of getting stuff done. How do you do it?”
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