I grew up believing that my father blamed me for my mother’s death but the truth was heartbreaking.
I never knew my mother, and my father never spoke about her. All I knew was that she had been very beautiful, because of the picture that hung on my father’s study wall, and that she had died very young.
My father was a sad man, a quiet and distant man. I wanted him to notice me, and to love me, but he never did. He rarely spoke to me beyond the perfunctory hello and goodbye, good morning and goodnight. I would have given anything for him to sweep me into his arms and tell me he loved me.
The shadow of my mother’s death followed me my whole life | Source: Shutterstock.com
This strange and strained relationship with my father continued until I was 18, and by then I was a sad and lonely young woman who believed my father hated me. If my father didn’t love me, who would?
But the answer to all my questions was about to be delivered in the most painful and cruel way. My father was hosting a party for his business associates, and among them was a woman whom I knew slightly.
If you don’t leave the past behind you, you deny yourself a future.
I had the feeling that she and my father had a past together — or at least that she wished they did. She greeted me and we started chatting — inconsequential talk about nothing special — and my father walked by.
I gave him my best smile, but he immediately glanced away. The woman saw it all. “Do you know why?” she asked.
I grew up feeling that my father hated me | Source: Unsplash
“Why what?” I asked, confused.
“Why he hates you,” she said.
“My father doesn’t hate me!” I exclaimed. “He’s just not a very demonstrative man.”
“So you don’t know…” she smiled. It was the ugliest smile I’d ever seen. I was about to walk away when she said, “He believes you killed your mother, Karen.”
One day at a party someone told me the truth | Source: Unsplash
I stopped in my tracks. “What?” I gasped.
“Your mother died giving birth to you, surely you know that?” she said.
“No…” I answered. “No, I didn’t know.” I turned my back on her and went looking for my grandmother, my father’s mother, the woman who’d raised me and never told me about my mother’s death.
“How did my mother die?” I asked her angrily. “Was it in childbirth?”
My mother had died in childbirth | Source: Pexels
My grandmother shook her head. “Please Karen, your father asked me never to speak of this with you.”
“I have the right to know about my own mother!” I cried. “I have the right to know why my father hates me!”
Then a quiet angry voice behind me said, “I don’t hate you, Karen, but your mother’s death is none of your business:”
I turned to face my father. “My mother’s death is none of my business? You’re wrong! I killed her, didn’t I? That’s what you think each time you look at me!”
My father blamed me for her death | Source: Unsplash
The expression in his eyes sent me running out of the door. I got into my car and drove aimlessly, tears running down my face. In my distress, I didn’t see the oncoming car changing lanes until it was too late.
I woke up in the hospital linked to a beeping machine, with a dull promise of pain twinging through my whole body. Sitting by my side and holding my hand was my father.
“Karen,” he said softly, “Thank God you’re alright!”
“Daddy…” I whispered, “you’re here!”
Tears came into his eyes. “Of course I’m here. I don’t hate you, Karen. I love you. And I don’t blame you for your mother’s death, I blame myself. When your mom and I married we were very poor.
“All we had were dreams and our love for each other. Then she fell pregnant and I took on a second job. I knew we’d need the money when you came along. I was working 16-hour days and she spent a lot of time alone.
“So one day when I came home she wasn’t there. A neighbor had taken her to the hospital. When I got there it was all over. Your mother had died, and I hadn’t been there for her.
The accident nearly cost me my life | Source: Pexels
“I didn’t blame you, Karen, I blamed myself. I was determined I wasn’t going to fail you the way I’d failed her, so I threw myself into my work, and I became a rich man.
“Daddy, how could you blame yourself?” I asked. “There was nothing you could have done!”
“I could have been there, holding her hand the way I’m holding yours now,” he said.
“But daddy…” I hesitated, “you were always so angry with me, so cold. You ran away from me.”
My father and I were reconciled | Source: Unsplash
“Karen, you look just like your mother, and each time I looked at you, my heart was torn apart by grief and guilt. It took nearly losing you to make me realize what I’d done. I love you.”
For the first time in my life, my father put his arms around me and showed me that he loved me. It was a new beginning for both of us, and I like to believe my mother was smiling down from heaven.
What can we learn from this story?
- If you don’t leave the past behind you, you deny yourself a future. Karen’s father was so lost in his pain that he nearly lost the opportunity to have a wonderful relationship with his daughter.
- The truth can heal old wounds and open the way to a new beginning. It was only after Karen and her father spoke about their estrangement that they could move past their misunderstandings.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who left his widowed mother homeless.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story but written by a professional writer. All names have been changed to protect identities and ensure privacy. Share your story with us, maybe it will change someone’s life.
Kris Kristofferson, the actor from A Star Is Born and a country music legend, has passed away at the age of 88.
Kris Kristofferson, the much-loved actor and country music singer-songwriter, passed away at his home in Maui on September 28.
Kris Kristofferson, the famous actor and country singer-songwriter, has passed away at the age of 88.
A representative said he was surrounded by his family and died “peacefully” at his home in Maui on Saturday, September 28.
In a statement shared with PEOPLE, his family said, “It is with heavy hearts that we share the news that our husband, father, and grandfather, Kris Kristofferson, passed away peacefully at home on Saturday. We feel so blessed to have had our time with him. Thank you for loving him all these years, and when you see a rainbow, know he’s smiling down at us all.”
Kris Kristofferson was born on June 22, 1936, in Brownsville, Texas. His parents were Mary Ann and Lars Henry Kristofferson, who was a Swedish immigrant and an Air Force general. Kris developed a love for country music early on and wrote his first song, “I Hate Your Ugly Face,” when he was just 11 years old. As a military kid, he moved a lot before his family settled in San Mateo, California, during his teenage years.
According to his website, Kris had two short stories published in Atlantic Monthly when he was 18. In 1954, he went to Pomona College in California, where he played football, boxed in Golden Gloves competitions, and was the sports editor for the school newspaper. He was even featured in Sports Illustrated’s “Faces in the Crowd” issue in 1958. After graduating with a degree in creative writing, he earned a Rhodes Scholarship and completed his master’s in English literature at Oxford University in 1960.
According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, after college, Kris Kristofferson’s parents encouraged him to join the military. He enlisted in the U.S. Army and, within five years, became a helicopter pilot and reached the rank of captain. While stationed in West Germany in the early 1960s, he continued writing songs and formed a band with other soldiers. After his service, he was offered a job teaching English at West Point military academy.
However, during a visit to Nashville, Tennessee, while on leave, he rediscovered his love for music. This led him to leave the Army in 1965 and pursue a career in music full-time. In a 2010 interview, Kris said, “I just fell in love with the music community there. The older musicians really supported the newcomers, and it was a very soulful time. It was the best decision I ever made.”
In Nashville, Kris Kristofferson worked as a night janitor at Columbia Studios while submitting songs he wrote, like “For the Good Times” and “Sunday Mornin’ Comin’ Down.” “For the Good Times” was first recorded by Bill Nash in 1968, but it became a hit when Ray Price released his version in 1970. The song appeared on Kristofferson’s debut album and earned a Grammy nomination for Best Country Song in 1972. It was even covered by soul legend Al Green.
Kristofferson’s song “Sunday Mornin’ Comin’ Down,” also from his first album, was picked up by Ray Stevens and Johnny Cash. Cash’s version became a hit, winning Song of the Year at the 1970 CMA Awards and reaching No. 1 on the country charts.
Another famous Kristofferson song, “Me and Bobby McGee,” co-written with Fred Foster, was released on Janis Joplin’s posthumous 1971 album Pearl. The song became a massive hit, reaching No. 1 on the pop charts and earning two Grammy nominations in 1972. That same year, Kristofferson won his first Grammy for Best Country Song for Sammi Smith’s version of “Help Me Make It Through the Night.”
Throughout the 1970s, Kristofferson released more albums and hits, including “Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again)” and “Why Me,” which earned two Grammy nominations. He also worked with his second wife, singer Rita Coolidge, on several albums, winning two Grammys for their duets “From the Bottle to the Bottom” and “Lover Please.”
In a 1970 New York Times article, Kristofferson was described as “a poet more than a musician,” admired for his ability to connect country, pop, and underground music.
Kristofferson also became a successful actor, appearing in films like Cisco Pike (1972), Pat Garrett & Billy The Kid (1973), and Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore (1974). Despite having no acting experience, he felt confident about acting and took on roles based on his understanding of the characters.
His big break came with his role as a troubled rock star in the 1976 remake of A Star Is Born, alongside Barbra Streisand. This role won him a Golden Globe for Best Actor in 1977. He later became known for playing Whistler in the Blade trilogy with Wesley Snipes.
Music was always a big part of Kris Kristofferson’s life. He teamed up with Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and Willie Nelson to form the country supergroup The Highwaymen. Their first album, Highwayman, and its title song topped the country charts in 1985. The group released two more albums: Highwayman 2 in 1990 and The Road Goes On Forever in 1995.
Throughout his long career, Kristofferson received many awards, including three Grammys and a lifetime achievement award from the Recording Academy in 2014. He was also nominated for an Oscar in 1985 for Best Original Song for the movie Songwriter, in which he starred with Willie Nelson. In 2004, he was inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame.
In 2013, Kristofferson shared his struggle with memory loss. At first, doctors thought he had Alzheimer’s, but it turned out to be Lyme disease, according to CBS News. His wife, Lisa Kristofferson, explained that once he got the right treatment, his condition improved quickly.
“He was on all these medications for things he didn’t have, and they had side effects,” Lisa told Rolling Stone in 2016. “But after treatment, he came back. There are still tough days, but some days he seems perfectly normal, and it’s easy to forget he’s even dealing with anything.”
After releasing his final studio album, The Cedar Creek Sessions, in 2016, Kris Kristofferson officially announced his retirement from music in 2021. He also shared that Morris Higham Management would be handling his estate.
Clint Higham, president of the management company, praised Kristofferson, saying, “He is the artist that every artist wants to be. If there were a Mount Rushmore for songwriters, Kris would be on it.”
When asked about the secret to life in a 2017 interview with Men’s Journal, Kristofferson said, “I once made a list of rules. It said: Tell the truth, sing with passion, work with laughter, and love with heart. That’s a good place to start.”
Kris Kristofferson is survived by his wife, Lisa, along with his eight children and seven grandchildren.
He was first married to Frances Beer, and they had two children: daughter Tracy, born in 1962, and son Kris, born in 1968. With his second wife, Rita Coolidge, he had a daughter named Casey in 1974. Kris and Lisa have five children together: Jesse (born in 1983), Jody (1985), John (1988), Kelly Marie (1990), and Blake (1994).
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