According to a survey, only 14% of couples sleep in separate beds every night. And while many of us might believe in the saying “couples who sleep apart grow apart” there are studies that show the opposite is actually true.
We at Bright Side believe that there are no wrong or right sleep arrangements, because to some, sleeping in different beds can be as pleasing as for others sharing a bed with their partner.
A poor night’s sleep can turn lovers into fighters.
According to research, sharing a bed with a partner that has restless sleep behavior can deprive you of 49 minutes of sleep each night. And, when one partner doesn’t get a proper night’s sleep because of the other, it will most likely result in a conflict between them the next day.
Actually, the study even confirmed that couples who tend to have a poor night’s sleep have more severe and more frequent fights than those who wake up well-rested. People who get a good night’s sleep, on the other hand, are more likely to be in a good mood, have lower stress levels, and be more patient.
Resenting your partner because you can’t get a good night’s sleep can be destructive to the relationship.
Snoring, fidgeting, and bed or blanket hogging are just a few of many reasons why some couples choose to sleep in different beds or even in different bedrooms. Lying awake listening to your partner snoring while you beat yourself up to fall asleep can lead to a build-up of anger, tension, and resentment toward your partner.
According to Jennifer Adams, author of Sleeping Apart Not Falling Apart, sleeping in a separate bedroom can even help a relationship thrive because both partners are not sleep deprived.
Each partner can tailor their sleeping conditions to their heart’s content.
Tina Cooper, a licensed social worker, sleeps in different bedrooms with her partner because of their opposite sleeping habits. “I’m a night owl, he’s an early bird. I need soothing sounds to fall asleep, and he likes silence. He likes a hard mattress, and I like soft and full of pillows. And because I don’t like the early day’s sunlight, my boyfriend gave me the master bedroom which gets less light and he has the second largest room that gets the sunrise he loves.”
How you spend the nighttime in your shared bedroom with your partner can also influence your daytime functioning, marital satisfaction, and psychological and physical health. And when 2 people with different bedtime preferences and nighttime schedules end up together, changing themselves just to please their partner’s needs might harm their relationship in the long run.
Sleeping in different bedrooms with your partner means that the 2 of you will have a place just for yourselves where you can relax after an exhausting day. This way, both of you can satisfy your needs without tiptoeing around and worrying about whether your partner might wake up because you want to watch the latest episode of your show before bed.
Even if you don’t remember waking up, disturbed sleep can have a negative impact on your overall health.
During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.
Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.
People on Reddit share why they decided to sleep separately with their partner.
- “Because a good night’s sleep is more romantic than sharing a bed. I snore and toss and turn. He gives off literal village levels of heat in his sleep and I can’t stand the heat. I read, he can’t stand light. We keep different hours to an extent. A million reasons. We get along so much better this way.” — crankyweasels
- “My partner and I have completely separate bedrooms. We ’sleepover’ occasionally in each other’s rooms. However, we both sleep exponentially better apart. He’s a night owl and I’m an early bird. He wants only one sheet on him, I want 10 lbs of blankets. In addition, having a separate room allows me to decorate it however I want, have my own personal space, and keep it to the level of cleanliness I prefer. People look at us sideways when I mention the separate rooms thing, but it’s been a game-changer.” — eriasana
- “Different sleep cycles due to different work schedules. We are still madly in love and we both agreed to this because it’s the best for both of us.” — AFishInATank
- “Early in our relationship, 90% of our fights occurred in the bedroom. I like to sleep in a cold room with the fan on and white noise like a box fan. I also like to go to sleep with the TV on. She likes to sleep in a warm, still, cave in complete silence and darkness. We started sleeping in separate rooms and all of a sudden 90% of our fights stopped. Also, because we were getting real sleep, other fights turned more into heated discussions.” — ttc8420
What are your sleeping arrangements with your partner? Do you believe sleeping in different beds can help a relationship thrive?
The Groom’s In-Laws Mock His Mother, a Janitor, Until She Steps Up to Give a Speech for the Newlyweds
Once Maria met Linda, she understood why Aiden loved her so much. Linda was humble and didn’t judge Maria even when she learned where she worked. When Aiden revealed that he and Linda had gotten engaged, Maria gave her blessing immediately.
Maria decided to throw an engagement party at a local restaurant to celebrate and meet Linda’s parents, Hugh and Elizabeth.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, Maria. My parents are very stuck up, so when they learned about Aiden’s background, they didn’t give their blessing,” Linda revealed.
After some time, Hugh and Elizabeth reluctantly gave Aiden their blessing and agreed to pay for the wedding. The ceremony was quite extravagant. Linda wore a designer wedding dress that her grandmother had gifted her. The cake was giant, and Hugh had hired a famous chef to cater the wedding.
Maria finally had the opportunity to meet Hugh and Elizabeth, but they didn’t treat her kindly. When asked what degree she had, Maria replied, “I didn’t get the chance to finish my studies because Aiden’s dad left me to raise him alone.”
“Well, if we hadn’t worked hard, then we couldn’t have given Linda all of this,” Elizabeth replied rudely. Hugh and Elizabeth had VIP guests, including well-known businessmen from around the city. When asked who Maria was, they seemed embarrassed to reveal that she was the groom’s mother.
After the vows and I-dos were said, it was the turn of the groom and bride’s families to give speeches. Hugh and Elizabeth took the stage first to congratulate the newlyweds on their union. They then revealed their gift, which surprised Aiden and Linda because Hugh had already paid for the wedding.
“We’re really sorry. We’ve mistreated you since the moment we met you.”
“We know you are both house-hunting and will move in together soon. So we’re going to pay for all of your furniture and appliances,” Huge revealed.
“Once you’ve found a house, it will be fully furnished,” Elizabeth added. The gift was met with applause from the attendees. Hugh and Elizabeth looked on with pride at the reaction. Next to the stage was Maria. Many guests began to whisper and murmur as they all expected a gift that would be quite cheap in comparison.
Maria wiped away a tear of joy as she congratulated the newlyweds. She didn’t care about the judgment. Maria was just proud of her son and daughter-in-law. But what she said next shocked the entire wedding party.
“I worked all my life and saved up to pay for your college tuition because I knew it would be expensive. Then you decided you wanted to be a doctor, and I thought, wow, even more expensive,” Maria joked.
She could tell that Hugh and Elizabeth were laughing at her, not with her. Maria reached into her purse for an envelope before continuing.
“The funny thing is, you got a scholarship to study medicine anyway, so you didn’t even need all the money I saved. So now that you’re about to get your doctorate and you’re getting married to this brilliant young woman, what better way to congratulate you than by buying you a house,” Maria revealed.
The entire wedding party gasped in shock as Maria opened her envelope and handed a set of keys to Aiden and Linda. Everyone stood to applaud while Hugh and Elizabeth were left stunned. After the ceremony ended, Hugh and Elizabeth apologized to Maria.
“We’re really sorry. We’ve mistreated you since the moment we met you. We apologize for judging you. You’ve really shown us how remarkable you are,” Elizabeth told Maria.
“Just remember, some of us might come from nothing, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be something,” Maria replied.
By the end of the year, Aiden had finished his doctorate and joined Hugh’s practice to work as a doctor. Aiden insisted that Maria retire from working as a janitor. Hugh and Elizabeth followed suit soon afterward. Linda threw Maria a retirement party, and Aiden bought her a brand-new car to thank her for everything.
Soon, Aiden and Linda had children of their own. Maria lived as a grandparent for the children, a role she happily shared with Hugh and Elizabeth.
What can we learn from this story?
Don’t take negative judgment to heart. All that mattered to Maria was her son’s happiness and success. She didn’t let the judgment bring her down, and in the end, she proved all of her doubters wrong.
You never know what someone has been through. Hugh and Elizabeth had false perceptions of who Maria was based on the fact that she was a janitor. In the end, they realized that Maria was just as hard-working and deserving of respect as anyone else.
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