I was stunned when my husband, Jake, handed me a schedule to help me “become a better wife.” But instead of blowing up, I played along. Little did Jake know, I was about to teach him a lesson that would make him rethink his newfound approach to marriage.
I’ve always prided myself on being the level-headed one in our marriage. Jake, bless his heart, could get swept up in things pretty easily, whether it was a new hobby, or some random YouTube video that promised to change his life in three easy steps.
But we were solid until Jake met Steve. Steve was the type of guy who thought being loudly opinionated made him right, the type that talks right over you when you try to correct him.
He was also a perpetually single guy (who could have guessed?), who graciously dispensed relationship advice to all his married colleagues, Jake included. Jake should’ve known better, but my darling husband was positively smitten with Steve’s confidence.
I didn’t think much of it until Jake started making some noxious comments.
“Steve says relationships work best when the wife takes charge of the household,” he’d say. Or “Steve thinks it’s important for women to look good for their husbands, no matter how long they’ve been married.”
I’d roll my eyes and reply with some sarcastic remark, but it was getting under my skin. Jake was changing. He’d arch his eyebrows if I ordered takeout instead of cooking, and sigh when I let the laundry pile up because, God forbid, I had my own full-time job.
And then it happened. One night, he came home with The List.
He sat me down at the kitchen table, unfolded a piece of paper, and slid it across to me.
“I’ve been thinking,” he started, his voice dripping with a condescending tone I hadn’t heard from him before. “You’re a great wife, Lisa. But there’s room for improvement.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Oh really?”
He nodded, oblivious to the danger zone he was entering. “Yeah. Steve helped me realize that our marriage could be even better if you, you know, stepped up a bit.”
I stared at the paper in front of me. It was a schedule… and he’d written “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife” at the top in bold.
This guy had actually sat down and mapped out my entire week based on what Steve — a single guy with zero relationship experience — thought I should do to “improve” myself as a wife.
I was supposed to wake up at 5 a.m. every day to make Jake a gourmet breakfast. Then I’d hit the gym for an hour to “stay in shape.”
After that? A delightful lineup of chores: cleaning, laundry, ironing. And that was all before I left for work. I was supposed to cook a meal from scratch every evening and make fancy snacks for Jake and his friends when they came over to hang out at our place.
The whole thing was sexist and insulting on so many levels I didn’t even know where to start. I ended up staring at him, wondering if my husband had lost his mind.
“This will be great for you, and us,” he continued, oblivious.
“Steve says it’s important to maintain structure, and I think you could benefit from —”
“I could benefit from what?” I interrupted, my voice dangerously calm. Jake blinked, caught off guard by the interruption, but he recovered quickly.
“Well, you know, from having some guidance and a schedule.”
I wanted to throw that paper in his face and ask him if he’d developed a death wish. Instead, I did something that surprised even me: I smiled.
“You’re right, Jake,” I said sweetly. “I’m so lucky that you made me this schedule. I’ll start tomorrow.”
The relief on his face was instant. I almost felt sorry for him as I got up and stuck the list on the fridge. Almost. He had no idea what was coming.
The next day, I couldn’t help but smirk as I studied the ridiculous schedule again. If Jake thought he could hand me a list of “improvements,” then he was about to find out just how much structure our life could really handle.
I pulled out my laptop, opened up a fresh document, and titled it, “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever.” He wanted a perfect wife? Fine. But there was a cost to perfection.
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I began by listing all the things he had suggested for me, starting with the gym membership he was so keen on. It was laughable, really.
“$1,200 for a personal trainer.” I typed, barely containing my giggle.
Next came the food. If Jake wanted to eat like a king, that wasn’t happening on our current grocery budget. Organic, non-GMO, free-range everything? That stuff didn’t come cheap.
“$700 per month for groceries,” I wrote. He’d probably need to chip in for a cooking class too. Those were pricey, but hey, perfection wasn’t free.
I leaned back in my chair, laughing to myself as I imagined Jake’s face when he saw this. But I wasn’t done. Oh no, the pièce de résistance was still to come.
See, there was no way I could juggle all these expectations while holding down my job. If Jake wanted me to dedicate myself full-time to his absurd routine, then he’d have to compensate for the loss of my income.
I pulled up a calculator, estimating the value of my salary. Then, I added it to the list, complete with a little note: “$75,000 per year to replace Lisa’s salary since she will now be your full-time personal assistant, maid, and chef.”
My stomach hurt from laughing at this point.
And just for good measure, I threw in a suggestion about him needing to expand the house. After all, if he was going to have his friends over regularly, they’d need a dedicated space that wouldn’t intrude on my newly organized, impossibly structured life.
“$50,000 to build a separate ‘man cave’ so Jake and his friends don’t disrupt Lisa’s schedule.”
By the time I was done, the list was a masterpiece. A financial and logistical nightmare, sure, but a masterpiece nonetheless. It wasn’t just a counterattack — it was a wake-up call.
I printed it out, set it neatly on the kitchen counter, and waited for Jake to come home. When he finally walked through the door that evening, he was in a good mood.
“Hey, babe,” he called out, dropping his keys on the counter. He spotted the paper almost immediately. “What’s this?”
I kept my face neutral, fighting the urge to laugh as I watched him pick it up. “Oh, it’s just a little list I put together for you,” I said sweetly, “to help you become the best husband ever.”
Jake chuckled, thinking I was playing along with his little game. But as he scanned the first few lines, the grin started to fade. I could see the wheels turning in his head, the slow realization that this wasn’t the lighthearted joke he thought it was.
“Wait… what is all this?” He squinted at the numbers, his eyes widening as he saw the total costs. “$1,200 for a personal trainer? $700 a month for groceries? What the hell, Lisa?”
I leaned against the kitchen island, crossing my arms.
“Well, you want me to wake up at 5 a.m., hit the gym, make gourmet breakfasts, clean the house, cook dinner, and host your friends. I figured we should budget for all of that, don’t you think?”
His face turned pale as he flipped through the pages. “$75,000 a year? You’re quitting your job?!”
I shrugged. “How else am I supposed to follow your plan? I can’t work and be the perfect wife, right?”
He stared at the paper, dumbfounded.
The numbers, the absurdity of his own demands, it all hit him at once. His smugness evaporated, replaced by a dawning realization that he had seriously, seriously messed up.
“I… I didn’t mean…” Jake stammered, looking at me with wide eyes. “Lisa, I didn’t mean for it to be like this. I just thought —”
“You thought what? That I could ‘improve’ myself like some project?” My voice was calm, but the hurt behind it was real. “Jake, marriage isn’t about lists or routines. It’s about respect. And if you ever try to ‘fix’ me like this again, you’ll be paying a hell of a lot more than what’s on that paper.”
Silence hung in the air, thick and uncomfortable. Jake’s face softened, his shoulders slumping as he let out a deep sigh.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I didn’t realize how ridiculous it was. Steve made it sound sensible, but now I see it’s… it’s toxic. Oh God, I’ve been such a fool.”
I nodded, watching him carefully. “Yes, you have. Honestly, have you looked at Steve’s life? What makes you think he has the life experience to give you advice about marriage? Or anything else?”
The look on his face as my words hit home was priceless.
“You’re right. And he could never afford to live like this.” He slapped the list with the back of his hand. “He… he has no idea about the costs involved, or how demeaning this is. Oh, Lisa, I got carried away again, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but we’ll recover. Now, let’s tear that paper up and go back to being equals.”
He smiled weakly, the tension breaking just a little. “Yeah… let’s do that.”
We ripped up the list together, and for the first time in weeks, I felt like we were back on the same team.
Maybe this was what we needed, a reminder that marriage isn’t about one person being “better” than the other. It’s about being better together.
12 Things That Are Not Worth the Money We Spend on Them
With the help of colorful advertising, manufacturers manage to sell us absolutely useless things. We diligently search for these items on the supermarket shelves, spend a lot of money on them, recommend them to our friends and family, and then we are disappointed to find out that they are totally useless. Or that they work quite well, but are very overpriced.
Women’s antiperspirants
Ads that claim that the formulas of men’s and women’s antiperspirants are significantly different are, to put it mildly, misleading. In fact, companies use only different aromas in the manufacture of these products, but the chemical compounds that neutralize the smell of sweat in all antiperspirants are almost the same. It makes no sense to buy an antiperspirant that is designed specifically for women.
Dietary supplements
Many people take dietary supplements to boost their immune system and improve their health. But in fact, if a person has a healthy diet, they don’t need any additional supplements.
According to doctors, these supplements are not harmful, but their benefits are also questionable. These supplements can’t replace a healthy diet anyway.
Ionic air purifiers
© Ben Baligad / Flickr, © CC BY 2.0 DEED
Ionic air purifiers that are not equipped with filters are not only ineffective, but can also be dangerous to your health. These devices are supposed to capture tiny particles with negatively charged ions, but in return they release small amounts of ozone that can be harmful to breathe in. It’s best to just buy an air purifier with replaceable filters.
Drain cleaners
Drain cleaners are designed to clear clogs, but they actually do more harm than good. The hydrochloric acid in these products can dissolve not only grease and dirt, but also the pipes themselves. In addition, it can ruin your enamel and other bathroom finishes.
And if a blockage is caused by a dense material that has accidentally fallen into the sewerage system, these cleaners will be totally useless. It’s best to get a plunger and a snake, which are more effective.
Screen cleaners for electronics
These cleaners work well, but they are also quite costly. According to experts, you can also use plain water to clean monitors and screens. A microfiber cloth soaked in it cleans surfaces as effectively as a special product.
Woven hampers and laundry baskets
© Michael Coghlan / Flickr, © CC BY-SA 2.0 DEED, © Emily May / Flickr, © CC BY 2.0 DEED
These items look cute, but they are not very convenient to use. If you put too much laundry into the basket, it can become misshapen. In addition, laundry often clings to protruding branches and twigs, so a basket can also ruin your clothes. It’s more sensible to buy a hamper made of dense fabric that can be collapsed when it’s not in use.
Large containers of spices and condiments
Buying spices in large jars seems like a great idea if you want to save the family budget. But spices have a limited shelf life, and we rarely use them in large quantities. So, it’s likely they’ll degrade before you finish them. So, it’s best to buy spices in small containers.
Veggie puffs, rice crackers and other «healthy» chip substitutes
© Kate Hopkins / Flickr, © CC BY 2.0 DEED
All these snacks seem to be a great alternative to chips because they are supposed to be healthy. In reality, however, these snacks contain various additives and oils. Plus, they’re usually high in calories and lack nutrients. It’s better to make carrot sticks or freeze grapes. Such snacks are cheaper and healthier.
Heat protective shampoos
According to some experts, buying shampoos and conditioners with heat protection is a waste of money. They won’t harm your hair, but there are few benefits either. It’s better to buy a heat protective spray, which really helps to protect your curls from the effects of high temperatures.
Buying a moisturizing shampoo can also be a pointless waste of money. The substances used in these products weigh down the strands, so that the hair becomes greasy faster. So, you end up having to wash your hair more often.
Sheet masks
Sheet masks have gained unprecedented popularity. Some women note that the skin really looks better after using them. But in fact, the effect of using masks is temporary, while they cost a lot. At the same time, masks have the same effect as moisturizers and lotions, so it’s financially unreasonable to spend a lot of money on them.
Moisturizers
Excessive use of them not only doesn’t help, but in some cases can even harm your skin. Dermatologists claim that too frequent use of moisturizers can make it difficult to exfoliate dead skin cells, change your skin’s natural balance of water, and slow down the natural production of lipids and proteins. If your skin seems dry, you need to consume enough fluids.
In addition, there is no point of paying more for moisturizers that contain vitamins. Usually, the amount of these substances is too small to somehow affect the condition of the skin. But even if there are a lot of them in the composition, this is also not a plus — vitamins tend to quickly disintegrate under the influence of sunlight and oxygen.
Feminine hygiene products
The delicate parts of a woman’s body don’t need special cosmetic products. Moreover, gels with aromatic additives can break the natural barrier that protects the body from bacteria and infections, and can also cause irritation.
It’s optimal to use plain water for hygiene procedures. Or you can use soap for sensitive skin without any additives and fragrances.
And here is the list of useful items that can make your everyday life so much easier.
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