Fearing for their children’s futures, parents search for universal parenting techniques that will put their kids on the route to a prosperous job and a happy life. But times are changing, and the old principles of success are no longer relevant. Sometimes, parents’ actions, intended to be helpful, can actually create challenges for their children’s future.
1. Not allowing their kid to fail
Perfectionist parent often strives for perfection themselves, leading them to expect increasing levels of perfection from their child as they grow older — from the child’s artwork never being good enough to their bed not being made perfectly or not studying hard enough. The child faces constant criticism and reprimands but is never allowed to learn from their mistakes. Children of perfectionist parents may grow up to be perfectionists themselves or develop low self-esteem and lack confidence. Both outcomes can negatively impact their future careers.
- Anna’s mother always compared her to Mary, saying, “Look how tidy Mary is compared to you, Anna!” Despite Anna’s efforts to emulate Mary, she never measured up, and her mother’s criticism only intensified. Anna’s mother never allowed her the chance to improve her habits and learn basic skills. Now at 25 years old, Anna still compares herself to others and always comes up short in her own eyes. Needless to say, this constant comparison has taken a toll on her self-esteem.
2. Paying a child for good grades
This topic remains a subject of debate, but consider this perspective: imagine yourself as a contractor continually paying more for a product or service, with the child as the supplier providing it in exchange for money or rewards. It doesn’t sound like a good idea, does it?
- Alexandra’s parents sought to motivate their daughter to excel in her studies by offering money as an incentive. Initially, Alexandra’s grades improved, suggesting the approach was effective. However, her parents later discovered that she had been fabricating stories about an imaginary illness and sharing them with her teachers. She even falsely claimed that her parents constantly criticized her for poor grades. The sympathetic teacher then raised Alexandra’s grades out of pity. Following this incident, Alexandra’s parents discontinued the practice of paying for grades and sought guidance from a child psychologist.
3. Preventing their child from expressing their feelings
Sometimes, adults dismiss a child’s feelings as wrong — insisting that bruises don’t hurt, feeling anger toward a child who hit them is shameful, or being sad even with a valid reason is incorrect. Parents often do this with good intentions, wanting to teach their children proper behavior. However, it’s crucial to recognize that a fundamental skill for modern individuals is the ability to acknowledge and manage their feelings, emotions, and needs.
- Kate, now 37, vividly remembers how her mother forced her to give away her beloved doll to another girl, admonishing her for being “greedy” and scolding her for getting upset over a “stupid toy.” Kate never got her doll back. Over the years, she has worked hard to assert herself, learning to say “no” to demanding people, including her boss and coworkers. Despite this, Kate often feels guilty whenever she refuses to comply with their requests.
4. Failing to support their child in front of strangers
Every child needs the assurance that their parents will stand up for them in any conflict, regardless of the situation, and won’t blindly trust the words of authority figures like teachers, principals, or neighbors. When parents allow their children to speak up for themselves when they are ready to take responsibility for their actions, it helps them develop healthy self-esteem and a sense of personal accountability.
- Maggy was raised by her grandmother, who often said, “But what will other people think?” Although her grandmother loved Maggy and wanted the best for her, she constantly emphasized the importance of public opinion. As a result, Maggy struggles to make her own decisions and even relies on her friends’ opinions when choosing something as simple as dessert.
5. Drawing inspiration and comparing to successful people
Each generation has its own set of heroes whom young people aspire to emulate. In recent decades, the tales of personal success from wealthy and influential individuals have become widespread. However, it’s not as simple as learning their life story and achieving happiness. If it were that easy, everyone who reads their books would have solved all their financial problems by now.
- Alex developed a passion for computers from a young age. Inspired by the story of Steve Jobs that his dad shared with him, Alex immersed himself in learning everything about Apple. When it came time to choose a university, Alex initially believed he didn’t need higher education because Steve Jobs succeeded without it. Eventually, Alex realized the importance of education for his path and pursued college to advance his career. Now, Alex jokes, “What worked for Steve Jobs is just a waste of time for an ordinary guy like me.”
6. Pressuring their child to decide on their future career
The notion that a person should stick to one career for their entire life is likely outdated and impractical. Many modern occupations didn’t exist a decade ago, while others have already become obsolete.
- Since childhood, Max had a passion for exploring computers and understanding various software programs. Despite his parents’ concerns, he pursued this interest and eventually discovered online courses in software testing. Now, he is thriving in this field, leveraging his potential and skills.
- Laura, at 37, worked as a sociologist for a major consulting firm but found it challenging to maintain her career after having her son. During maternity leave, she rediscovered her love for photography. Starting with unique photos of her child, Laura progressed to offering photoshoots for friends’ and acquaintances’ kids. Over time, she opened her photo studio. Laura now earns as much as her husband and successfully manages her professional life while caring for her family. This shift exemplifies the evolving nature of careers and the importance of embracing new opportunities.
7. Arguing about money
Since children may absorb long-lasting messages from these circumstances, it’s crucial to avoid arguing about money or other matters in front of them. Instead of one-on-one conflicts, which can cause youngsters to take sides and become distressed, talks should be led in a way that promotes involvement.
- Chris grew up witnessing his parents argue about money. When he went to college at 17 and moved away, he struggled with managing his finances and spending on unnecessary items. He now fears starting relationships, believing that money is the root cause of his sadness.
8. Prohibiting the child from using social networks
Social networks have become today’s equivalent of the yards and neighborhoods where we used to play as children. Kids can learn valuable skills through computer programs integrated with social media platforms. While parents should remind their kids about online safety rules, depriving children of this experience can be harsh.
- Aria’s mother was surprised to discover that her 10-year-old daughter had learned to create cool videos. Even more surprising was the realization that Aria had learned this skill from using TikTok. Now, creating short videos has become a family hobby for them.
9. Teaching the kid that they have the stuff at home
Many of us recall times when we asked our parents to buy us things, only to hear, “We already have that at home; we don’t need it.” Some parents repeatedly expose their children to such situations, unintentionally discouraging them from getting what they truly need. This pattern can significantly impact their financial habits as adults. On the other hand, constantly satisfying a child’s every need can also have negative effects.
- Jan’s mother often tells him they have things at home and they don’t buy them from the store. Jan has learned to overlook his needs, and with each subsequent request, he withdraws more, knowing not to ask. When Jan grows up and earns his income, money will go towards trivial things because that’s how he’s learned to live.
10. Preventing children from getting into conflicts
The ability to engage with others is perhaps one of the most crucial professional skills one can possess. It’s important not only to help children make friends but also to teach them how to engage in healthy arguments. People often hold differing opinions, and there are various ways to express emotions. The sooner children grasp this concept, the easier their interactions with others will be, including in professional settings.
- Michaela spent her life avoiding conflicts, preferring to agree with others rather than engage in disputes. She believed that someone always had to be the “smarter” one, but this approach proved more harmful than beneficial. One day, Michaela learned about active listening and decided to apply this approach in her professional life. She excelled at paying attention to others’ perspectives while also expressing her feelings when others attempted to take advantage of her. Initially, people found her communication style unconventional, but conflicts with coworkers became more constructive, leading to mutually beneficial resolutions.
11. Helping their child learn to save money
The world is always changing, and old ways of making or saving money might not work anymore. We can’t predict what skills will be valuable in the future economy. That’s why it’s important to teach kids to be flexible and ready for change, not just to save money.
- Emily’s grandfather saved money his whole life “just in case.” But when that “case” finally happened, a financial meltdown made all his investments lose value. Emily saw this while growing up, and now she’s worried the economy could collapse at any time. She believes the best investment is in her skills and knowledge.
12. Trying to build a strong character with the help of sports
While there’s a widespread belief that sports are beneficial for discipline and character development, excessive competitiveness in professional sports can be detrimental to a child’s physical and mental health. This competitiveness can be fueled by both fellow young athletes and coaches. Only a few individuals become champions, and coaches often prioritize these select few, neglecting the rest of the team. Coping with this unfair treatment at a young age can lead to low self-esteem and confusion about alternative life paths if a child must stop playing sports.
- Tom’s mother pursued rhythmic gymnastics as a child but had to abandon her Olympic dreams due to a leg injury. When Tom was three, his mother enrolled him in gymnastics classes, hoping he would excel. However, Tom struggled in this sport, leading him to lose interest in school, feel like a failure, and struggle to identify his strengths. Now, Tom is studying to become a child psychologist to help parents navigate the challenges of raising children without making the same mistakes.
Being protective of your children is natural, but it’s important to set boundaries. Respecting their privacy is crucial for a healthy parent-child relationship and their personal development. Violating their privacy can have serious negative effects, especially on their mental health.
Son puts mother in nursing home, returns home and finds his suitcases on the doorstep
Joe believed he did the best thing for his ailing mother when he placed her in a nursing home. His fiancée, Emily, was the one who convinced him it was for the best for everyone if the elderly lady was out of her home. “You did the right thing,” she said with a grin on her face. “Your mom will have a better life in the nursing home…and we can turn her old crafts room into a lovely nursery for our baby.”
However, upon returning from the nursing home, Joe and Emily were shocked to see some people moving the furniture from their house. They rushed to inspect what was going on, still shocked from the sight.
“What the heck is going on over here?” Joe yelled as he exited the car and ran towards the porch. “Hey, who are you…and what are you doing in my house?”
“You must be Joe!” the man replied. “I knew you would come. By the way, this isn’t your house anymore! Your mom sold it to us. Here are the papers…and there’s your stuff.”
Joe was looking in confusion, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing and was unable to move. But Emily acted. She grabbed the paper from the man’s hand and started analyzing the agreement. Her facial expression said it was true. Joe’s mom really sold the house.
“You fool!” she yelled. “Your mother tricked you right under your nose…and you had no clue? Everything is ruined now.”
“Emily…don’t say that. I don’t understand why Mom did this. But we still have each other. We can…”
“There’s no more WE, you loser! Forget about me,” she said as she pulled the ring and threw it on the ground.
Joe ran after her, pleading, “Wait…what about our baby?”
But Emily laughed at his face as she replied, “You’re so stupid! There’s no baby. Now get out of my way.”
“Wha—what do you mean? Emily…Emily? Stop….” Joe called out, but she left the place and left his life.
Heartbroken, Joe stood on the porch and that’s when he noticed a letter under one of the boxes.
It was from his mother.
“Dear Joe,
I’m sorry this happened. I wish I never had to take such drastic steps. But you left me with no other choice. It all started the day you first brought Emily home… the letter started.
Some weeks ago…
The decision to sell the house was made weeks ago, while Joe’s mom, Nora, was resting in her armchair.
Joe entered the place, and there was a woman with him, Emily. “…Joe is so funny…and charming,” Emily chuckled as she sat next to Joe on the couch. “I couldn’t say no when he first asked me on a date to the funfair.”
“It’s been just three weeks…but it feels like we’ve known each other for ages. That’s why I insisted Emily move in with me,” Joe said with visible delight in his eyes.
Her son’s words stunned Nora. She needed time to compose herself as she placed her oxygen mask on her face.
“I’m sorry if this has come as a shock, Mom,” Joe rubbed Nora’s shoulder. “Things might seem sudden…but trust me…Emily is the one for me. We’re soulmates!”
Nora turned to Emily, took her hand, and said, “Emily, darling, if you don’t mind, can you please make me some tea, dear? The warmth soothes my throat. The kitchen is that way…”
As Emily left the room to make some tea, Joe looked at his mother and whispered, “Isn’t she the best, Mom?”
“She seems like a lovely girl. But don’t you think you’re taking things a bit fast, Joey?”
“Mom, I understand your concerns. I didn’t want to tell you everything because of your health. But you deserve to know…I’m planning to propose to Emily this weekend.”
As expected, Nora believed that was way too soon since Joe knew Emily only for a few weeks.
“Mom, relax. You’re the one who taught me to fight for love. That’s what you and Dad did when you eloped, right?”
“But, Joey, that and this are entirely different.”
“Mom, I love Emily. I can’t live without her. Please trust me… she will be a great wife and a wonderful daughter-in-law.”
This sudden rushing didn’t give Nora peace.
However, when Emily moved in the following day, things seemed to have fallen into place as she and Nora got along well. The two knitted together, watched documentaries, and chatted.
Nora started to like her soon to be daughter-in-law until one night, when she woke up at midnight to take her pills, she heard Nora talking to someone over the phone and saying, “That old crone and her oxygen machine… she is such a thorn in my way… but Joe is madly hooked on me. So I should be able to get rid of her soon.”
Nora froze. At that moment she wondered what could Emily possibly do to get rid of her, but then Emily continued, “Just a lil sweet talk, and he should agree to stick his mother in a nursing home. Then, I’ll kick him out, and this house will be mine!”
Nora’s initial plan was to tell her son what she had heard, but she knew he was too smitten with his girlfriend to trust her.
Over the course of the next couple of days, Emily acted as though she enjoyed Nora’s company.
One day, however, Joe approached Nora and told her they needed to talk.
“It’s about Emily…” Joe said.
“Oh, dear, I’m so sorry things didn’t work out between you two…”
But Joe frowned. “What? Things are great between Emily and me, Mom. I’ve never been happier.
“Actually, Mom…” Joe swallowed hard. “…Emily’s been running her own business while working through the temp agency. She needs help with buying more machinery. But she can’t afford it right now. So I’d like to help her…but there’s only one way to get the money I need.”
“What is it, Joe?” Nora asked dreadfully.
“Mom, you know…your health isn’t improving. I think you need a better place where you’re cared for well…I think it’s time you moved into a nursing home.”
“Mom, it’ll be comfortable there,” said as he squeezed his mom’s hand. “…and if you agree to sell your house, I can put that money in Emily’s business. I promise to repurchase this property as soon as we see a return on the investment.”
Feeling betrayed, Nora said with sadness in her voice, “I don’t want to leave…my home.”
“Mom, I’m just trying to look out for you. Please…” Joe pleaded.
Knowing there was not much that she could do at that moment, Nora nodded her head.
“I’ll think about it, Joey. Just give me some time,” she said.
Nora needed time in order to be able to put her plan of revealing Emily’s true face into action.
The following day, Nora’s knitting was interrupted by the front door creak. As she looked towards the window, Nora saw Emily exiting the house.
Although she hadn’t driven in a long time, Nora decided to follow Emily.
After some time, Emily parked her car and entered a coffee place where she met with a man. A few minutes later, they started kissing passionately. Nora took her phone to film them, but at that moment, they stopped kissing and could only be seen holding hands.
“Joey, I’m sorry for bothering you at work…but this is important. Can you meet me outside the café on the corner of 3rd Street?” Nora called her son.
Joe arrived after around 10 minutes and Nora told him what she had witnessed.
“Look there, Joey,” Nora pointed toward the café window. “Emily is cheating on you.”
Raged, Joe stormed inside the place.
“What the heck is going on here??” he slammed the table, startling Emily and her lover. “How long have you been seeing this chump behind my back?”
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