Get ready to ho-ho-howl with laughter! These 10 Christmas jokes are packed with holiday cheer and cheeky humor to keep your spirits bright. Whether you need a quick laugh or a joke to share at the holiday table, these festive funnies will surely bring everyone joy!
Ah, Christmas! The time of year when everything sparkles, people get a little more generous, and we all pretend fruitcake is something we look forward to eating.
A woman sitting at a table with a plate of fruitcake | Source: Pexels
The holiday season is full of cheer, and it’s also a great time for laughter. Whether you’re cozy by the fireplace or stuck at a family gathering looking for a way to break the ice, these jokes are sure to bring a smile.
So grab your hot cocoa, settle in, and get ready to chuckle with these festive funnies!
A Christmas Test at Heaven’s Gates
Three men find themselves at the pearly gates of heaven on Christmas Eve. Saint Peter meets them with a stern look and a challenge.
St. Peter standing at heaven’s gates | Source: Midjourney
“To get into heaven tonight, you each need to show me something that represents Christmas.”
The first man digs into his pockets, pulls out a match, and lights it. “This is a Christmas candle,” he says with a hopeful smile.
“Impressive,” Saint Peter says and waves him through.
A man holding a lit match | Source: Pexels
The second man reaches into his jacket and jangles a set of keys. “These are Christmas bells,” he grins.
Saint Peter nods, letting him pass.
Then, the third man steps up, pulling out a pair of red panties.
Puzzled, Saint Peter asks, “And what on earth do these have to do with Christmas?”
Women’s underwear | Source: Unsplash
The man smirks, “They’re Carol’s.”
If that joke didn’t light your Christmas candle, this next one might leave you laughing all the way to New Year’s Day. It’s a story of holiday hangovers, memory lapses, and a husband waking up to a Christmas surprise he definitely wasn’t expecting.
The Hungover Husband’s Christmas Surprise
Paul wakes up groggy and disoriented after his company’s Christmas party. He can barely remember how he got home, and his pounding headache isn’t helping.
A man sitting on the side of the bed | Source: Pexels
As he pries his eyes open, he notices a glass of water, two aspirin, and a single red rose on his nightstand. His clothes are neatly folded, and the room is spotless. In the bathroom, he notices he has a black eye, and his wife has left him a note on the mirror.
“Darling, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to pick up groceries for your favorite dinner tonight. I love you!”
In the kitchen, a full breakfast is waiting, and his son is already at the table.
A boy eating breakfast | Source: Midjourney
Paul asks his son, “What happened last night?”
“Well, you got home super late, totally drunk, and made a mess. You tripped over the coffee table, broke it, and smashed into the door, giving yourself that black eye.”
Confused, Paul stammers, “Then why is everything so perfect this morning?”
A confused man | Source: Midjourney
His son shrugs, “Oh, that’s easy. When Mum tried to take off your pants, you yelled, ‘Leave me alone! I’m married!’”
Let’s keep it going with a military twist on Christmas wishes. Sometimes, what you ask for isn’t exactly what you get, especially when you’re stationed away from home. This one’s for anyone who knows the struggles of life in uniform during the holidays.
The Soldier’s Christmas Wish
Two soldiers are in the mess hall chatting about past Christmas memories.
Two soldiers chatting | Source: Midjourney
“I’ll never forget that one Christmas,” the first soldier says. “I spent an entire week peeling potatoes.”
“What happened?” his friend asks.
“Well, the sergeant asked what I wanted for Christmas,” he recalls.
“And what did you ask for?”
A soldier | Source: Pexels
“A new sergeant,” the first soldier replies.
Ready for a joke that’s heaven-sent? This next story features a monk who spent years copying ancient texts, only to uncover a little mistake that could change everything. It’s a reminder that even the holiest of tasks can come with a hilarious twist!
The Monastic Misprint
A monk named David had spent years copying ancient religious texts by hand. He worked hard at his job and dedicated himself to upholding his vows to be obedient and celibate and free himself from the desire for possessions.
A devout monk working on religious texts | Source: Midjourney
One day, shortly before Christmas, the head abbot entrusted David with the task of verifying the original manuscripts had been copied and translated precisely, word-for-word.
On Christmas day, David was nowhere to be found. Eventually, the head abbot located him in the archives, crying uncontrollably.
“Brother David, what’s wrong?” the abbot asked.
“All this time… we’ve been copying it wrong,” David sobbed.
“Copying what wrong?” the abbot pressed.
A monk and an abbot looking at religious texts | Source: Midjourney
“The word wasn’t ‘celibate’… it was ‘celebrate’!”
If you thought that last one was divine, the next joke shows us that sometimes family drama isn’t what it appears to be.
The Holiday Season Break-up
The day before Christmas, a father in Brisbane calls his son in Sydney.
“Sorry to ruin your holiday,” the dad says, “but your mother and I are divorcing. I just can’t take it anymore.”
A man making a phone call | Source: Midjourney
Shocked, the son yells, “What? No, don’t do anything until I get there! I’m calling my sister.”
Moments later, the daughter phones her dad, furious. “You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I will be there tomorrow. Don’t do a single thing!”
The father hangs up and turns to his wife.
A solemn man glancing to one side | Source: Midjourney
He grins widely and tells her, “Well, that’s our Christmas plans sorted. The kids are on their way and they’re paying for their own travel expenses!”
Let’s keep the laughs rolling with a little tale about early Christmas shopping. You know that feeling when you’re just a bit too eager to grab your gifts? Well, this next joke proves that timing is everything — even when it comes to snagging those holiday deals earlier than expected.
The Early Christmas Shopper
A man stands trial during the Christmas season. The judge asks the defendant, “Mr. Jones, what exactly are you accused of doing?”
A judge in a courtroom | Source: Midjourney
“Your honor, I was just doing my Christmas shopping early,” the man says innocently.
“There’s nothing illegal about that,” the judge replies. “What time did you start?”
“Before the store opened.”
A somber man | Source: Midjourney
Time for a trip to the airport, where holiday cheer meets travel stress in the best way possible. Even if you’re not a fan of mistletoe, this next joke might make you look twice before checking in your bags this Christmas season.
Airport Mistletoe Mishap
Dave wasn’t feeling the holiday spirit as he waited at the airport just before Christmas. He noticed some mistletoe hanging above the luggage scale.
Mistletoe at the airport | Source: Midjourney
Annoyed, he told the airline attendant, “Even if we were dating, I wouldn’t kiss you under such tacky mistletoe.”
The attendant smirked, “Sir, that mistletoe isn’t for you to kiss me. It’s there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye.”
Hold onto your Santa hats because this next joke features a kid with a very “creative” approach to getting his Christmas wishes granted.
Man talking to airline attendant at the luggage area | Source: Midjourney
When it comes to writing letters to Santa (or Jesus), this boy takes negotiation tactics to a whole new level.
The Kid’s Christmas Bargain
A little boy starts writing his Christmas letter to Santa, but his mom interrupts him.
“You’ve been so naughty this year,” she scolds. “You’d better write that letter to Jesus instead.”
A child sitting at a table | Source: Midjourney
He thinks for a moment, then begins writing to Jesus, but quickly realizes he can’t lie about being good. Frustrated, he goes for a walk to clear his mind and spots a nativity scene.
Suddenly, he snatches the statue of Mary.
Returning home, he starts his new letter: “Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…”
From a mischievous kid to a quick-witted teen, our next joke shows that sometimes biblical excuses can go hilariously wrong.
A Christmas nativity scene | Source: Pexels
It’s a classic case of trying to outsmart a parent — only to learn an unexpected lesson.
Long Hair, Don’t Care
After acing his exams and diligently studying the Bible, Danny asks his clergyman father if he can get a car for Christmas.
“You’ve done great with your studies,” his father says. “But I’m disappointed you haven’t cut your hair.”
A teen boy | Source: Midjourney
Danny smiles. “Dad, in the Bible, I noticed that Jesus, Moses, and Samson all had long hair.”
His father nods, “Yes, but did you also notice they walked everywhere?”
And now, let’s end on a high note with a husband who’s in for a surprise of his own while Christmas shopping.
A mall decorated for Christmas | Source: Pexels
Just when he thinks he’s found a sentimental moment, he gets a reality check guaranteed to leave you laughing out loud.
The Husband’s Christmas Misunderstanding
A couple is shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve when the husband realizes he’s lost his wife. Frantic, he calls her.
“Honey,” she says calmly, “do you remember the jewelry store where you saw that expensive watch you loved five years ago? The one I said I’d get you one day?”
A man speaking on his cell phone | Source: Midjourney
His eyes well up. “Yes, I remember.”
“Well,” she replies, “I’m in the lingerie store next to it.”
And there you have it — a sleigh of laughs to brighten your holiday season! Whether you share these jokes at a family dinner or use them to lighten the mood at a holiday party, they’re sure to spread some Christmas cheer.
People at a Christmas party | Source: Midjourney
After all, the best gifts are the ones that bring a smile. So go ahead, share the laughter, and enjoy a merry, jolly, joke-filled Christmas!
For many people, Christmas is a time for family, so keep the laughs coming with these jokes about family life.
On Their 50th Anniversary, Husband Comes Home & Sees That His Wife Has Put All His Belongings Out on the Street
A woman is angry and hurt when her husband forgets their 50th wedding anniversary and throws his belongings in the gutter — until he comes home with an unusual excuse.
Betty Carmichael was sure her husband had forgotten their anniversary yet again, only this time she wasn’t going to take it lying down. She had been married to Donald for fifty years and she deserved better!
She had stood by his side through thick and thin and given him three children and the best years of her life, and what did she get? Not even a bouquet of ratty daisies, let alone red roses.
Donald hadn’t brought Betty flowers in years. | Source: Pexels
Betty looked at the wall clock and frowned. 21:30. He hadn’t even bothered to come home for the special dinner she’d prepared! This was the last straw!
Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and doubt wears away at the love that holds it together.
Two hours later, Betty heard her husband’s car pull into the driveway and smiled grimly. Donald wasn’t going to enjoy his evening, not one little bit.
She immediately heard a shout: “BETTY! What is going on here!”
She marched outside and stood on the porch, her fists on her hips. “What do you want?” she asked.
Betty prepared a romantic dinner but Donald didn’t come home. | Source: Unsplash
Donald was standing in the garden and he looked very angry. He pointed a finger at an old worn-out recliner sitting on the lawn along with several boxes of books and bric-a-brac.
“What are my things doing out on the lawn?” he asked. “Have you run mad, woman?”
“Mad!” screamed Betty, and the lights went on in the house next door. “You are the one who must be mad! Do you have Alzheimer’s or amnesia? I’m kicking you out. I’m divorcing you!”
“Divorcing me?” gasped Donald, flabbergasted. “I’m seventy-eight years old and you’re seventy-five and you want a DIVORCE?”
“Yes!” cried Betty angrily. “Do you think that just because I’m seventy-five I’m no longer a woman? That you can take me for granted? Well, I won’t let you!”
Betty was sure Donald didn’t love her anymore. | Source: Pexels
“Betty,” Donald said. “Be reasonable. What is this all about?”
“You forgot our anniversary AGAIN!” Betty said angrily. “We’ve been together for fifty years and I have to remind you of my birthday. I understand you weren’t there, but you were definitely there for the wedding!”
“Bets,” Donald protested. “That was the happiest day of my life…”
“Then why don’t you remember it?” Betty asked. “Why don’t you bring me flowers or take me dancing? You don’t love me anymore. You haven’t loved me in years.”
Donald shook his head. “I love you, Betty,” he said. “You are the love of my life…”
Betty brought Donald’s favorite chair out in the street. | Source:Source: Unsplash
“Then why didn’t you come home for dinner?” Betty asked. “I made a special dinner and lit candles and set out flowers and you didn’t show up! Where were you? Out with another woman?”
Donald grinned. “Yes,” he said and stepped aside. Standing there was a slim girl in her twenties with Betty’s blue eyes and Donald’s wide smile.
“Hannah!” Betty cried and ran down the steps. She would have fallen if Donald hadn’t caught her. She threw her arms around the girl and started crying.
“Oh, Hannah,” she sobbed. “It’s been too long! I’ve missed you so much!”
Hannah came to visit her grandparents. | Source: Unsplash
“Hi, Gran Betty,” Hannah said. “I’m sorry we were so late, but my flight was delayed. Poor Gran Donald waited for hours!”
Betty turned to her husband. “You knew she was coming and you didn’t tell me?” she protested.
“I didn’t KNOW,” Donald said triumphantly. “I arranged it! It was supposed to have been your anniversary surprise, but the flight was late… You’ve been complaining about how much you miss your only grandchild, so I sent her a plane ticket!”
“Oh, Don!” Betty cried, and put her arms around her husband. “I’m sorry! I thought… I started thinking crazy things…”
Donald and Betty renewed their vows. | Source: Unsplash
“Betty,” Donald said tenderly. “I haven’t looked at another woman in fifty years and I’m not about to start now.”
“Donald,” Betty said. “What did I do to deserve you?”
“I don’t know,” Don said. “But I can tell you we’re going to have a hell of a time getting all my stuff back in the house where it belongs!”
With Hannah’s help, Don and Betty got everything tidied up and sat down for a midnight snack. “By the way,” Donald said. “I have another surprise for you. Tomorrow night we’re having a party with all our children and all our friends. I’ve arranged for Father Bartholomew to be there so we can renew our vows.”
Betty and Donald had a wonderful anniversary party. | Source: Unsplash
“But what am I going to wear?” gasped Betty.
“I don’t know about the dress, but I have a ring!” Don said, then he dropped down to one knee and pulled out a little jewelry box. “Betty Delancy Carmichael, will you marry me again?”
The next day, the Carmichaels celebrated their fiftieth wedding anniversary in style and Betty looked lovely in a pretty cream suit and a little veil. As Donald kissed her, she vowed never to doubt him again as long as she lived.
What can we learn from this story?
- Trust is the cornerstone of any relationship, and doubt wears away at the love that holds it together. Betty started imagining that Don didn’t love her anymore, and didn’t realize he had a sweet surprise for her.
- Marriage is about every single day, not just the special occasions. Betty forgot that Don was there for every difficult day and stood by her through thick and thin.
Share this story with your friends. It might brighten their day and inspire them.
If you enjoyed this story, you might like this one about a man who was shocked and hurt when his wife of thirty years asked for a divorce even though he’d always been a faithful husband.
This account is inspired by our reader’s story and written by a professional writer. Any resemblance to actual names or locations is purely coincidental. All images are for illustration purposes only. Share your story with us; maybe it will change someone’s life.
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